Krampus: The Yule Lord

We are just going to jump right in to what this is about.

Krampus: The yule lord by Brom takes the legend of Krampus and makes it complex, dark and funny.

Jolly old Saint Nick has banished Krampus, and has kept our yule lord chained away in a cave for thousands of years. Krampus could escape, if he had the power to do so. Due to the dwindling belief in Krampus, and the lack of his magic bag, Krampus has no means to escape. His need for  vengeance is the only thing that keeps him going. So what is a angry yule lord to do when he personally can do nothing? He sends minions after Santa and his bag. You know, the bag of toys that brings joy to boys and girls everywhere. Yeah, that belongs to Krampus.

The bag leads us to our main human character. Jesse is down on his luck. Living in a trailer park because his wife and daughter left him for the town's corrupt police chief (or sheriff. I can't remember which it is). He has no real job, but plays his guitar in dive bars to get by. When that doesn't pay the bills, he does runs for the local drug lord.

Jesse is sitting out in his truck thinking of ending it all with a bullet in his brain, when he is witness to something strange. A man in a Santa suit being chased by several devil looking creatures. Suddenly, dying is the last thing on Jesse's mind. The Santa like man takes off in his sleigh with the devil beings hitching a ride. Through a series of odd events, Jesse ends up with the bag. Which throws Jesse in to  a series of weird and life altering events.

Bring in a drug lord wanting to off Jesse, and kidnap his daughter for leverage. A cop who is not the greatest human being on earth. Jesse being thrown in to the path of Krampus (who actually takes a liking to Jesse.), and a magical bag. 

I have to say that I am really impressed by Brom's writing style. After reading The Child Thief, I needed more. Krampus is more complex than you would think. I wont go in to detail about Krampus and Santa's deep hatred for each other, or back round stories, you all will have to read it for yourself. Believe me, it's worth it. I already liked Krampus  (my affinity for siding with "bad guys" and the misunderstood strikes again), but this story gave him some depth and you feel for him and his situation.

Oh Jesse. His redneck drama was a welcomed break from the main story. If Jess didn't have bad luck, he would have no luck at all. But, he manages to pull through, and keep a sense of humor about him.

The minions are awesome. They were once human from different periods in time. Which means they are all on the older side, but Krampus and his magic keeps them youngish.

This was a really good novel. I'm sad Brom does not have more novels out. Hopefully, I will just be content looking at his art books until he writes something new.

This is directly from Brom's site. If you can't tell, he leans more towards the creepy side. Which makes the horror junkie in me happy.

Give this a go. You wont regret it. Unless you like Santa. Then this might not be the book for you. Personally, I think a guy breaking in to homes, leaving things for children and expecting cookies and milk in return is rather creepy.

5/7.....*snicker* JK. 5/5

The Child Thief. Review

Think about the whimsical tale that is Peter Pan for a moment. Flying. Powers. Staying young forever. Playing all day long with Peter and his lost boys. Okay. Now take away the whimsy of this classic tale. All you are left with a creepy young boy who befriends children, wins their trust, then lures them to a far off land never to be seen again. It's terrifying. 

There you have "The Child Thief" a retelling of Peter Pan by Brom. 

Honestly, I'm not sure how to review this book without giving away key elements of the story. For now, we'll just stick to the basics. 

You all know Peter's shtick by now. Taking Children off to a far off land In order to play with him. Well, what if there was something darker behind that? I won't give away the reason here, but it doesn't paint Peter as the playful scamp we have all grown to know. 

What if the Captain wasn't as bad as we thought? What if he were just a trapped soul wanting to go home? That is the case here. However, the Captain could have picked a better group of traveling companions. The captain is from the Crusade era. Eleminating those who don't believe in God. The captain's traveling companions happen to be made of priest zealots. Who are determined to rid this pagan land of the devil. should stop here and mention that because of the era these guys are, there is some torture in this story. The captain isn't actually "bad", just from a time of narrow mindedness 

and one track ideas. 

The Mist is the enterance between Peter's world and mankind's world. It is controlled by "The Lady", who actually is the life force behind everything in this world. At this point she has not been seen in years, Because of this the mist is becoming unstable and the world is dying. I have already given too much away here. 

Meet the kidnapped children. Most of them abused or abandoned by parents. Some are runaways. One is a murderer. I'm not going to give too much away about these kids. They each have their story and I'm not going to be the one to give it away. These are the second most intriguing characters in this story. 

Peter is actually the most interesting character. We learn a lot about his background through memories. You Understand why he is the way he is, and why he does things a little differently. This doesn't make his actions throughout the book excusable, but the background info makes it easier to understand his thought process. 

I wasn't expecting much from this novel when I started, but the further I got in to they story, the more I was drawn in to this world and it's people. This is a gory and dark book. VERY dark. Luckily, I dig that kind of thing. 

It you enjoy the darker side of classic story retellings, I suggest giving this a go. I don't often use this word to describe a book, but it is beautiful. Crass, but beautifully written. 

5/5 

Lost After Dark review

Do you enjoy slasher flicks? Horror movies set in the 80's? A slasher flick that turns ever slasher trope upside down? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to watch Lost After Dark. It's an 80's slasher flick that wasn't made in the 80's. That being said, it does manage to pull of an 80's horror flick feel, from the acting, fashion, music, lingo, right down to the video quality.

It begins as every slasher flick does. A bunch of teenagers plan a weekend getaway to a cabin in the woods. Our eight brilliant teenagers steal a bus from the school they all attend, then, away they go. Sounds so unlike any slasher film ever in existence right?

A short list of the expected tropes that did happen during the film:
The bus broke down in the middle of nowhere
Spotted the abandoned house on top of the hill
 Jump scares (which pissed me off to no end)
Making out
Beer
Cannibal killer
The Obligatory black guy, nerdy guy and virginal chick that EVERY slasher film stars.

Now that we have that out of the way, we can talk about what actually surprised me.
The one thing that took me by complete surprise.

The virginal character, the one we all thought would be the end game survivor, was actually the first to die. Horribly. This movie had my attention after this went down.

There was a unexpected Grind house moment in the middle of the film. An intense moment is just suddenly gone and "lost" due do....well it doesn't really explain why. It made me chuckle.

A SMART cannibal killer. I know, I know. This just sounds weird to those of us who love teen slashers. This movie made the smart, backwoods hick thing happen. He didn't blindly chase his victims around like someone desperate for flesh. He watched, waited and stalked his prey.

The Black guy is the second to last person to die. Still sad he died since he was my favorite character of the bunch. Sadly, some tropes just wont die. Nevertheless, he wasn't the first. So it's progress I suppose.

The Goth girl is actually the last to die.
 
The character I thought would be  the second to die was actually the last person standing.

There was no sex in this movie. Making out of course. An implied blow job scene that ended as quickly as it began. Hmm. Sorry guys, no boobs for you in this movie.

Animal killing. Now this confused me. One of the gals put her dog in to her bag (because teenagers make brilliant life choices), this actually ends up being more of a hindrance when her and her boyfriend are hiding from the killer in a car. The dog wont stop whining. So she snaps his neck to shut him up. Now, I am not a dog person by any means, but this still bothered me. It felt like it was tossed in purely for shock value. Why not crack the door open a bit, let the dog escape and use him as a distraction?

The blood and gore in this movie is surprisingly plentiful and graphic.


The ending was a complete and utter tribute to Halloween and Friday the 13th. Those of you who have seen both movies know exactly what I am talking about. Which didn't bug me, but it does go on the expected list.

Overall this movie is worth watch. If you can find it for under 10 bucks, I'd say it's even worth owning. It was a pleasant surprise. A blast in the past while being somewhat original.

YOU review

Right before I started this book, I was telling someone that reading main stream horror isn't something I really do anymore after starting myself on extreme horror. And then I read You by Caroline Kepnes.

This novel is complicated, which makes it a little difficult to review.I could go the easy route and riddle this review with spoiler but I wont. It's a book worth reading and I will tell you why.

YOU isn't your typical blood and gore horror story. So if you are anything like me and look for that in a scary novel, you wont find it here. Nope. This is stalker horror, which in my opinion, is much scarier. This story is told completely from the stalkers point of view, which only adds to the creepiness factor.

Joe is your average, semi-humble guy who works in a book store. He cares about his work and completely judges people on the books they buy. Joe has a bit of a hangup. When he finds a girl he is interested in, he skips the other emotions and goes straight to the love thing.
One day, Beck enters Joe's book store. It is obsession at first sight. Joe just knows Beck is the only woman on this earth made for him and him alone.
Instead of having a long drawn out conversation with her, like your typical person would do, he checks up on the name that is on her credit card, and stalks her on every form of social media known to man. Joe even sits outside of Beck's apartment and watches what Beck does on a daily basis.
Joe is a patient man, so he bides his time and works in conversations and chance meetings here and there. Soon enough, Joe has worked his way in to Beck's life and makes himself indispensable.

That is really is the all I can write about without getting in to spoilers.

Like I said, this book is completely from Joe's point of view. Being in his head is disturbing, mostly because his logic is oddly sound most of the time, and I found myself kind of connecting with his character. Its sound until you close the book and take a moment to remember how utterly NOT okay Joe actions are. Not sure what that says about me, being able to connect to a stalker and all. It disturbed me more than anything. 

Let us talk about Beck for a moment. I don't get Joe's attraction to this self absorbed, damaged woman. Not damaged like "awww. She has it so rough" kind of way. Damaged like she's a pathological liar. She tells lie after lie in order to make people feel sorry for her. Beck also allows her best friend, (who is also a pathological liar. Of course Beck doesn't see this and buys in to the friends bullshit stories),to boss her around and use her as an emotional punching bag. I make Beck sound more complex than she really is. Apparently, she's beautiful and I suppose that is an attraction point. Otherwise I don't understand the obsession Joe has with her.

There is some killing in this book, but it isn't overly detailed or gory. Oddly enough, I was okay with it.

The ending is something I kind of didn't see coming, yet I wasn't surprised. You know how stalker stories usually end, but just the way everything went down was a bit of a twist. The ending also left it open for more books. Something I am all for, because I will be reading the next book.

If you are in the mood for an atmospheric horror and nothing extreme, I recommend picking this up. It's a slow burn horror, but it captures your attention from the first page to the last. It doesn't drag, and Mrs. Kepnes keeps things moving and interesting.

Not the type of horror I usually read, but it's still a 5/5 read.

The Book Sacrifice Tag.

This is an older tag but it sounds like so much fun, because, and lets be realistic here, all of us book worms enjoy hating on shitty books.
This tag was created three years ago by Ariel Bissett. I will link her youtube channel below so you can see the original tag.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2UxYi8fOA




Disclaimer: I don't mean to offend anyone. This is not attack on your personal preference. I just really did not like these. Plus this tag just sounds like a lot of fun.





1. The over-hyped book: Let’s start this off with a Zombie Apocalypse! Let’s say you’re in a book store, just browsing, when BAM! ZOMBIE ATTACK. An announcement comes over the PA System saying that the military has discovered that the zombies’ only weakness is over-hyped books. What book that everyone else says is amazing but you really hated do you start chucking at the zombies knowing that it will count as an over-hyped book and successfully wipe them out?!

Hands down these zombies would get a taste of this:

So much dislike for this entire series. Teenage brooding and drama I can deal with. Vampires that sparkle. No, no and fuck no. Fuck you sparkly vampires. Not to mention the abusive relationship.


2. The Sequel: Let's say you've just left the salon with a SMASHING new haircut and BOOM: Torrential downpour. What sequel are you willing to use as an umbrella to protect yourself?

 This is most likely going to get me a lot of hate....but this one: 

Nothing happens! Walking, eating, sleeping, more walking, talking about this epic journey, walking and more sleeping. That is what happens in this book. Oh and two hobbits eventually destroy a ring. You have to read through a lot of detailed walking, sleeping, eating, walking, walking and more walking to get there though.


3. The Classic: Let's say you're in a lecture and your English teacher is going on and on about how this classic changed the world, how it revolutionized literature and you get so sick of it that you chuck the classic right at his face because you know what? This classic is stupid and it's worth detention just to show everyone how you feel! What Classic did you chuck?




This:

I am not only pissed off at myself for actually spending 20 bucks on the edition shown here, but I have tried sooooo many times to read this. I just can't do it. I love weirdness in books, but this is just scrambled weirdness that has no definitive story. Kudos to those of you that love and appreciate this book. I do not.


4.Your least favorite book of life!: Let's say that you're hanging out at the library when BAM global warming explodes and the world outside becomes a frozen wasteland. You're trapped and your only chance for survival is to burn a book. What is the book you first run to, your least favorite book of all life, what book do you not fully regret lighting?




Anyone who knows me, knows damn well what is coming. My complete and utter loathing for this book and the three books that followed is endless. I actually have been known to go on hour long tangents over how these books add nothing to the literary world.
I am, of course, talking about these blights upon the eyes:

*takes a deep calming breath*
Let's see if I can sum this up in the style of Ana's narration:

"Meg bites her lower lip and her inner goddess roars as her eyes flutter sexily across these unattractive words of unattractiveness. Meg bites her lower lip and she slowly shuts the book. Then, Meg, (while biting her lip), sexily walks across the room to the place where you set fires and stuff. Meg's inner goddess screams at her to throw the unattractive book of extreme unattractiveness in to the attractive and hot fire of extreme hotness. Meg bites her lower lip before she gives in. She chucks the unattractive book in to the sexy flames of sexiness and sighs sexily in relief."

So much loathing for this series. I felt dirty reading it. Glorifying abuse and abusive relationships is NEVER okay. I felt it set back women's rights. I am so finding myself wanting to send E.L James a thesaurus.


On a completely related side note. I feel I should add that I actually HAVE burned all four Twilight books. It was totally worth it and don't regret it.




Wow! I managed not to go on my usual Fifty Shades rant. Go me!

So there you all have it. My least favorite books ever.

 

His Pain Review

I don't hide the fact that I am a lover of all things horror related. I've been pretty stuck on my regular horror authors. Stephen King, Dean Koontz, John Saul, Peter Straub. Now, on occasion I have dabbled outside of these regulars. It wasn't until I read Snuff by Adam Huber and Eric Enck, that a book had really disturbed me. Since reading Stuff, I have dipped in and out of the more extreme horror stuff. It wasn't until mid-last year that I found out extreme horror is actually a thing, a legit sub-genre of it's very own.
I found the book that is about to be reviewed COMPLETELY by accident. Actually, I was watching a movie on netflix called "Come Back to me". I found the story interesting and I found out it was a book first. Of course I had to look that shit up. The book is called The Resurrectionist  by Wrath James White.  I didn't end up buying it until later, but it lead me to His Pain by the same author. The cover was disturbing, yet intriguing. The rest is kindle downloading history.
This is a story that stays with you long after you finish it. Hell, I read it a year ago and it is something that still sticks in my mind a year later.

Jason is born with a very rare disorder. He is hypersensitive to everything. Touching, tasting, sound, smells: they all bring him nothing but mind numbing pain. His own mother (Melanie), can't even hold Jason when he screams out in pain. Jason surprises his doctors by living far beyond his life expectancy of a few years and makes it to 18.  Jason has made it through life so long because Jason lives his life in a bubble, (literally), to keep safe from the world around him. they have Jason on a heavy regiment of drugs, (both legal and illegal), triple boil all of his food and try as hard as they can to keep his room sound proof. What a way to live life right?
 Jason's mother long ago considered what no mother would even dream of thinking about, killing her own son to save him from a lifetime of misery. Appalled,  Melanie's husband, (Edward),talks her out of doing it every time it's suggested. That doesn't stop Melanie from thinking about doing it daily. (I mention this because it comes in to play later in the book.).
One day, Melanie comes across Yogi Arjunda on a local talk-show. Yogi claims with time he can cure any ailment. Having run out of medical and spiritual options, Melanie sends Yogi a desperate email asking for his help. When all is said and done, both Melanie and Edward (who is reluctant, but agrees anyways.), agree to allow Yogi a month to work with Jason and hope everything turns out for the best.  
Yogi's treatment does work....in a way, and  also back fires in a huge way. Yogi's method is unconventional. His idea is to make Jason feel all of his pain and learn to embrace it all instead of fearing it. Jason does learn to live with and even enjoy pain. Unfortunately, he also wants to show his parents and the world what his pain has felt like for the past 18 years. Shit gets real after Yogi "cures" Jason.

My feelings on this book are so conflicted. I don't really want to admit that I liked it, because that just makes me sound like a fucked up human. But I did not hate it. I commend Mr. White for NOT taking the typical, "backwoods, cannibalistic, redneck route", that so many other extreme horror authors take. Mr White went for something that felt believable and real. Mr. White also touches on some controversial issues as well. Is it okay for a mother, who gave birth to this child who is constantly in unbelievable pain every single day, too want to kill her own son to save him from more pain? Personally, I would be asking that question too if I were in Melanie's shoes. I might even act on it, given a kid like Jason's condition in life. I liked this book because it does bring up such taboo subjects and forces you to think about them.

Despite all of his horrendous actions later on in the book, Jason is very easy to sympathize with. Even after his rampage it is, (as much as I hate to say this), it's still kinda easy to see where he's coming from, (except the long scene with his mom after he gets "better". That bit was just fucking gross.). He is a kid who lives with nothing but pain, and once he learns to live with it and go about his daily life, he finds himself suddenly lost; unsure where he fits in to the world. It is kind of sad in a way, and I found myself feeling a little bit sorry for the kid.

The gore is....well it's extreme horror. You can pretty much expect the gross, unexpected and depraved. There were some parts that even had this horror princess cringing and gagging a little. Any book that can do that is alright by me.
 
 I will not be giving away the ending, but there is one thing that really stuck out to me. It actually comes back to Melanie wanting to kill her own son. Jason is face to face with his dad (Edward  is looking into the unpopular end of a shotgun), and Edward can't believe his son would want to kill him. Naturally, Edward asks him why. Jason tells him because you always said no. (This is paraphrasing a bit, but it is close enough to what was actually said in the book.) Edward asks him what he means. Jason says something to the effect of: you always said no when mom wanted to kill me and end my suffering. Killing me would have been the kindest thing you two could have done.    
     I thought those these were very powerful words. I actually thought about this scene long after I finished this book. You will have to read it for yourselves and determine for yourself what is the right or wrong course of actions in this case. I haven't really come across too many EH books that actually have me pondering it's moral contents long after I finish reading.

I know earlier I said I can't say I like this book. Screw feeling the a horrible human being. I liked this book. As soon as I'm able to forget it, I'll most likely drag it back out and reread it again. Mr White's stories are always though provoking, unique and touch on taboo subjects. I like that in a writer. If you are looking for something a little more disturbing than a Stephen King story, than I suggest starting with this story. Then work your way into White's other works. This novel is actually rather tame compared to his other stories. Sad but true folks.
I proudly ,(as a decent human being), give this story a 5/5        

Malice review

It has been a while. I've been in bookworm land, and have touched little else but a book or my kindle in the last few months. That being said, I have SEVERAL books in need of review. For now, we will go with the series I am currently reading, (spoiler alert. I LOOOOOVE this series.). For once I will be refraining from spoilers. It will be hard, but I want fantasy lovers like myself to read these books.

I recently picked up both Malice and Valor by John Gwynne from amazon.com. They are simple by eye catching covers, plus they both got pretty good reviews. Why not just go for it. I am not going to lie people, both of these books are no joke. Not the biggest book I've tackled, but not small by any means. Each book is 600+ pages. So if you are looking for a commitment, these are the books for you.

Our story is set in the Banished Lands. According to the map inside the book, (and what is actually written in the book.), there are many provinces within the Banished Lands. Each province has it's own king/queen, (or both), along with rules. Some lands get on a little better than others. Wars and skirmishes tend to break out more often than not here.

So, let me backtrack here a little and talk about Elyon and Asroth. The god wars began with these two. Elyon being a benevolent god, and Asroth being a great deceiver and all around douche monkey. While these two are not main characters in the story, they each play a big part in events to come.
A thousand (give or take a few years), years ago there was a god war. Elyon won and Asroth was banished to the underworld for all time. Asroth despised Elyon's creation of man and giants, and pitted the two races against each other. This action sent Elyon  to desperate measures, extinguishing the threat in to almost extinction. Elyon did figure out Asroth's plan, but massive damage had been done. Elyon, in despair, abandoned man and giant kind so he could mourn those he killed. This leaves Asroth with time to figure out how to release himself from the underworld and destroy Elyron's creations he hates so much.
This all comes in to play with a prophecy, (yes, yes. I know almost every fantasy series has one of these), there will be the "The bright star", which would be Elyon's champion, (I'd say minion of righteousness, but that sounds less heroic.). "The dark star" would, of course be Asroth's vessel to control.

Now we come to our players in this book. There are A LOT of them. Thankfully, Mr Gwynne makes them all easy to follow, so it doesn't feel so cluster fuckish. For now I'll cover the main players.

Corban is a teenage boy who dreams of being a great warrior. His name day is soon coming and he will finally get to show his worth. Unfortunately, the town bully, Rafe, makes him feel anything but a warrior. In order to better his confidence and his skills, Corban seeks out Gar, the local and mysterious stable master and asks for some training. That training will prove to be useful in more ways than one.

Veradis at first unwillingly joins the high prince's warband. Veradis is skilled with a sword, which comes in handy when your apart of a warband. The high prince and Veradis become rather fast friends, (given they have saved each others lives on several occasions.). Veradis and his dedication to his high prince is unwavering, and wants nothing more than to see his prince succeed in his journey.

Evnis is counsellor to king Brenin of Ardan, (Which also happens to be home to Corban as well). While he may have the kings ear, Evnis and his allegiances lie elsewhere. Really, all he wants is power.

Nathair is high prince and has ambitions way beyond his own fathers. He is ruthless and will cut down anyone who gets in his way.

*Deep breath*. The characters in this first novel are so varied and very well developed. Everyone in this book has reasons for what they do. No matter how far fetched they may seem, each character does a excellent job at justifying their actions; almost making the most horrible betrayal seem logical in a way.
We aren't going to get in to betrayals, because that would ruin the book. Rest assured there is A LOT of it in this story.
The world building is just as fantastic as the character development. Mr. Gwynne describes landscapes in such a way that you can see it in your mind, actually picturing what forests, picture what the people look like. It has been a long time, (Not since I've read...well any Robin Hobbs book. She's pretty much the queen of world and character building), since I've been able to picture a land and it's people in my head.
The battle scenes, (which usually bore me in most fantasy books), are richly composed and a joy to read. Which is super unusual. 
This isn't really a spoiler, but at one point Corban saves a Wolven cub from being killed by a hunt party. While I didn't list Storm as a main character, she should be. She has personality, and is fierce in her protection of Corban. It's sweet and reassuring. And most of all pleases the animal lover in me.

The villains are complex, and you can almost understand why they act the way they do. Well, all except for Asroth, he is your typical crawling from the underworld, and taking over the world kind of asshat. But Asroth aside, I  do enjoy a villain(s) with depth.

I really can't say anything bad about this book. Yes, it does the typical prophecy thing, which usually annoys me, but it isn't until book two that this prophecy is explored and explained a little more. I mean it's a little predictable who the dark and bright stars will be. But it's fun letting the characters come to conclusions and accept the truth themselves.

I've already finished the second book, Valor. I loved the second book almost as much as the first. I'm just sad I have to wait until October for book three, and even longer for book four.

But for anyone in need of a great fantasy read, this is the book for you!
10/5