The Loch by Steve Alten has been on my radar since it first came out in 2005. The cover was interesting; plain, but no less interesting. I also have a strange fascination with Nessie. Sadly, I always managed to talk myself out of buying. Either the used bookstores wanted more than I was willing to pay, or the E-book would just get lost in the thousands (I'm not kidding. Thousands), of other ebooks that I have been neglecting to read. Fast forward to 2016. I see the over sized paperback for 3 bucks on amazon. I bit the bullet and just bought it. Cracked it open as soon as I got it. The book was... not what I expected.
Here is where I would typically say "But in a good way.". No. Not in a good way.
Let me summarize the story.
Zach is a Marine Biologist. He is on the hunt for a larger than life squid. During a deep sea dive, things go horribly wrong. People die. Shit goes downhill from there during this squid excursion. Now Zach is scared of the water, but this isn't the first time he has been afraid of the deep blue sea. There was a point in Zach's childhood where he possibly, maybe had a chance encounter with Nessie because, his jackhole pop's pushed (I think.), him in to the Loch. Zach was bit by some mysterious creature and almost drowned. Nightmares ensue.
During his whole pity party, Zach discovers that his pops (of whom he hates so very, very much), is in jail for murder. While Zach is there, he decides (250 pages in), to FINALLY come face to face with his Nessie demons.
*sigh* Where do I even begin with this book.
1. I don't mind science. I really don't. But please don't bombard readers with it. This book tries to be far more intelligent than it really is.
2. We get to hear about Zach's inner demons. A LOT. I get it, he's fucked up. His dad was a mentally abusive asshole. His ex-girlfriend sucks. His work colleagues suck. It sucks he lost his job and oddly became a scapegoat for the whole Squid fiasco. The author is trying WAY too hard to get us to feel sorry for Zach. If Zach had been a likable character in the slightest, I might have felt bad for him.
3.Templars against Nessie. That shit was just weird. And now Zach is one of them because he "fought" against one? Well. That happened.
4. The most action you will see in this book is the last 50 or so pages; when the "Templars" and Zach, hunt down Nessie, and try to get rid of the monster once and for all. The actual action itself wasn't interesting. Yet, it was far more interesting than Zach's self loathing. So I'll give the author credit there.
5. Insta-love. I hate Insta-love. Enough said there.
6. The ending was rushed. Wrapped up far too nicely with a little pink bow on top.
Ugh. Was not a fan. Which is sad, because I really wanted to love this book. If you are a hardcore Nessie fan, stay away from this book. If you love books were Scotland is the focus location; there are better books out there.
1/5
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Nerdish new year resolutions
I am actually writing this more for my own memories sake than anything. The old I get, the more difficult it is to remember things I said I'd do at the beginning of the year. So I came up with a couple of nerdy new year resolutions, since giving up my period for the new year never seems to work out for me. DAMN YOU UTERUS!!!!
Resolution
1. Finish goodreads challenge of 100 books. I surpassed my goal last year, (a goal I totally forgot that I set), by 35 books. Luckily, graphic novels, manga and children's books TOTALLY count on goodreads. Yay for small favors.
2. Finish the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. At the moment, I am less than half way through the monster that is book 4. At the moment, the plan is to read at least one-three books a month. This way I'm not on complete WoT overload, and can cleanse my brain with other books. If all goes according to plan, I should hopefully finish the series by the fall. Don't hold me to it or anything, but I'm hoping that is what happens.
3. Finally finish Tales of Xillia 2!!!I have been working on this game for far too long. I love it, I really do, but books keep getting in the way and then I forget to pick up a game controller. I need to finish Tales of Xillia so I can start on Tales of Zestria. That has been teasing me since last fall.
4. Get through all the DLC in Dragon Age Inquisition. Now, I did have a review all ready for this. But, I felt it was unfair to write a review before I've playthrough every class, romanced everyone I can and play all the DLC. I've done maybe 4ish playthroughs. I do love the game, but I feel I need to play it more in order to bring an honest review. It will be two years late, but that's just how I roll
5. Read at least 3 non-fiction books. I don't have anything against non-fiction. I just don't really feel the need to read about someone's existence who is either better or worse than mine. I realize there might be some good non-fiction books out there and I'm limiting myself by not reading them. I plan to change that. If anyone has any suggestions feel free to recommend.
6. Start a youtube channel. I have actually been thinking about doing this since I discovered booktube last year. I be all like "Whhhat??!!There is a place on youtube where I can watch people talking about books, hauling books, reviewing books?! I can do that!" After months of planning, I'm finally getting around to buying the equipment I would need. Tripod, lights (because my room is fucking dark.)etc.. I'm not doing it to be popular, or get subs. I'm doing this because I love talking about books, and love other people who love talking about books, games, graphic novels...getting in touch with my peeps!
That's all. The resolution list is small. Because, why overexert yourself with needless effort. WOOT!
Resolution
1. Finish goodreads challenge of 100 books. I surpassed my goal last year, (a goal I totally forgot that I set), by 35 books. Luckily, graphic novels, manga and children's books TOTALLY count on goodreads. Yay for small favors.
2. Finish the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. At the moment, I am less than half way through the monster that is book 4. At the moment, the plan is to read at least one-three books a month. This way I'm not on complete WoT overload, and can cleanse my brain with other books. If all goes according to plan, I should hopefully finish the series by the fall. Don't hold me to it or anything, but I'm hoping that is what happens.
3. Finally finish Tales of Xillia 2!!!I have been working on this game for far too long. I love it, I really do, but books keep getting in the way and then I forget to pick up a game controller. I need to finish Tales of Xillia so I can start on Tales of Zestria. That has been teasing me since last fall.
4. Get through all the DLC in Dragon Age Inquisition. Now, I did have a review all ready for this. But, I felt it was unfair to write a review before I've playthrough every class, romanced everyone I can and play all the DLC. I've done maybe 4ish playthroughs. I do love the game, but I feel I need to play it more in order to bring an honest review. It will be two years late, but that's just how I roll
5. Read at least 3 non-fiction books. I don't have anything against non-fiction. I just don't really feel the need to read about someone's existence who is either better or worse than mine. I realize there might be some good non-fiction books out there and I'm limiting myself by not reading them. I plan to change that. If anyone has any suggestions feel free to recommend.
6. Start a youtube channel. I have actually been thinking about doing this since I discovered booktube last year. I be all like "Whhhat??!!There is a place on youtube where I can watch people talking about books, hauling books, reviewing books?! I can do that!" After months of planning, I'm finally getting around to buying the equipment I would need. Tripod, lights (because my room is fucking dark.)etc.. I'm not doing it to be popular, or get subs. I'm doing this because I love talking about books, and love other people who love talking about books, games, graphic novels...getting in touch with my peeps!
That's all. The resolution list is small. Because, why overexert yourself with needless effort. WOOT!
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Lamb
This review is long overdue. I have maybe a hand full of books I adore with every fiber of my being. Now, I enjoy a lot of books. I love a lot of books. Adoring a book is completely different. I'm talking about the book you don't want to put down. The book you dream about at night after being forced to close it because your eyes wont stay open any longer. The book that you read yearly after your initial first encounter. I have 5 books that fit in to this category. Lamb The gospel according to Biff, Christ's childhood pal. by Christopher Moore, is one of my favorite books of life. I'm even going to bother looking at this book objectively. It's a pretty fucking awesome coming of age story.
Josh (Christ), is ready for the world to read the 30 gap left out of the bible. Who better to tell his story than someone who was there and his best friend. Levi who the call Biff, is brought back from the dead by a angel who is none...none too bright, so Biff can get to work on his scripture.
We read about Josh's childhood. Romans have oppressed the Jews of Nazareth for a very long time. Everyone is tired of the controlling Romans, but only Josh and Biff have the balls to actually do anything about it. Really though, this story is about Josh coming to terms with being the son of god, (which he actually takes in stride), preparing himself mentally for his destiny. NOT losing his patience when Biff opens his big fat mouth, and gets them both in to trouble with Biff's sarcasm. On a related note: no one except Biff can claim to be punched in the face by our savior. Three times that I remember. In Josh's defense he lasted a lot longer than anyone would have. You can only handle hearing so many times about how your best friend will allow you to call him dad once your mom's husband finally croaks and he can FINALLY marry her.
Maggie (Mary), has a huge crush on Josh. Both Josh and Biff have a crush on Maggie. Only Biff is willing to act on it, but Maggie has very little interest in Biff. She wants Josh. Sadly for Maggie, Josh has taken a vow of celibacy. A vow Biff tries to talk Josh out of quite often.
John the Baptist is a crazy mofo who believes he is the messiah, that is until Josh and Biff come along. How does this go about? Biff tells John and angel came down and said Josh was it. To this John is pretty much "Oh. Okay, that's awesome. Can I follow you guys?" Wait. What?
By his teens, Josh knows that he was born to die for our sins. Biff and Maggie, on the other hand, has a hard time accepting this and do everything in their power to keep the inevitable from happening.
Anything beyond what I've already wrote will just take away from the book itself. I'm not sure if I've made this book sound blasphemous or not. It really is not. At least I don't think it is. Biff's humor might be a little raunchy at times, but Josh sets off the humor with his level head and trying to talk sense in to Biff. Oh, and telling him on occasion to shut his big mouth. It almost never works, but he tries.
I digress. I say this about so few books, but it's amazing. So amazing in fact, I own three different copies (One that is pictured above and signed by Christopher Moore. I will have it buried with me when I die.).
It's obvious Christopher Moore took a lot of time researching the bible and the Tanakh before writing this. Most of the actual historical moments and situations in this story are dead on.
I love Biff and Josh's friendship. They love each other as only best friend's can. But, they also drive each other bat shit crazy. Biff is always talking about how he wants to bang Josh's mom. Which, understandably, annoys Josh to no end. Josh is always putting others needs before himself. Which annoys Biff. They are two opposites that work well together.
There is almost no real romance to speak of other than with Maggie and the guys. I guess you could count Biff's brief relationship with a hooker in India. She did teach him all about the Karmasutra. If that's not love, I don't know what is.
This book has a bit of everything. Action. Adventure. Lots of humor. A tiny bit of romance. Heartbreak. Heart felt moments. Friendship. What is not to love.
If anyone is looking to laugh out loud, then I urge you to give this book a try. You wont regret it.
10000000/5
Josh (Christ), is ready for the world to read the 30 gap left out of the bible. Who better to tell his story than someone who was there and his best friend. Levi who the call Biff, is brought back from the dead by a angel who is none...none too bright, so Biff can get to work on his scripture.
We read about Josh's childhood. Romans have oppressed the Jews of Nazareth for a very long time. Everyone is tired of the controlling Romans, but only Josh and Biff have the balls to actually do anything about it. Really though, this story is about Josh coming to terms with being the son of god, (which he actually takes in stride), preparing himself mentally for his destiny. NOT losing his patience when Biff opens his big fat mouth, and gets them both in to trouble with Biff's sarcasm. On a related note: no one except Biff can claim to be punched in the face by our savior. Three times that I remember. In Josh's defense he lasted a lot longer than anyone would have. You can only handle hearing so many times about how your best friend will allow you to call him dad once your mom's husband finally croaks and he can FINALLY marry her.
Maggie (Mary), has a huge crush on Josh. Both Josh and Biff have a crush on Maggie. Only Biff is willing to act on it, but Maggie has very little interest in Biff. She wants Josh. Sadly for Maggie, Josh has taken a vow of celibacy. A vow Biff tries to talk Josh out of quite often.
John the Baptist is a crazy mofo who believes he is the messiah, that is until Josh and Biff come along. How does this go about? Biff tells John and angel came down and said Josh was it. To this John is pretty much "Oh. Okay, that's awesome. Can I follow you guys?" Wait. What?
By his teens, Josh knows that he was born to die for our sins. Biff and Maggie, on the other hand, has a hard time accepting this and do everything in their power to keep the inevitable from happening.
Anything beyond what I've already wrote will just take away from the book itself. I'm not sure if I've made this book sound blasphemous or not. It really is not. At least I don't think it is. Biff's humor might be a little raunchy at times, but Josh sets off the humor with his level head and trying to talk sense in to Biff. Oh, and telling him on occasion to shut his big mouth. It almost never works, but he tries.
I digress. I say this about so few books, but it's amazing. So amazing in fact, I own three different copies (One that is pictured above and signed by Christopher Moore. I will have it buried with me when I die.).
It's obvious Christopher Moore took a lot of time researching the bible and the Tanakh before writing this. Most of the actual historical moments and situations in this story are dead on.
I love Biff and Josh's friendship. They love each other as only best friend's can. But, they also drive each other bat shit crazy. Biff is always talking about how he wants to bang Josh's mom. Which, understandably, annoys Josh to no end. Josh is always putting others needs before himself. Which annoys Biff. They are two opposites that work well together.
There is almost no real romance to speak of other than with Maggie and the guys. I guess you could count Biff's brief relationship with a hooker in India. She did teach him all about the Karmasutra. If that's not love, I don't know what is.
This book has a bit of everything. Action. Adventure. Lots of humor. A tiny bit of romance. Heartbreak. Heart felt moments. Friendship. What is not to love.
If anyone is looking to laugh out loud, then I urge you to give this book a try. You wont regret it.
10000000/5
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)