The Loch

The Loch by Steve Alten has been on my radar since it first came out in 2005. The cover was interesting; plain, but no less interesting. I also have a strange fascination with Nessie. Sadly, I always managed to talk myself out of buying. Either the used bookstores wanted more than I was willing to pay, or the E-book would just get lost in the thousands (I'm not kidding. Thousands), of other ebooks that I have been neglecting to read. Fast forward to 2016. I see the over sized paperback for 3 bucks on amazon. I bit the bullet and just bought it. Cracked it open as soon as I got it. The book was... not what I expected.

Here is where I would typically say "But in a good way.". No. Not in a good way.

Let me summarize the story.

Zach is a Marine Biologist. He is on the hunt for a larger than life squid. During a deep sea dive, things go horribly wrong. People die. Shit goes downhill from there during this squid excursion. Now Zach is scared of the water, but this isn't the first time he has been afraid of the deep blue sea. There was a point in Zach's childhood where he possibly, maybe had a chance encounter with Nessie because, his jackhole pop's pushed (I think.), him in to the Loch. Zach was bit by some mysterious creature and almost drowned. Nightmares ensue.
During his whole pity party, Zach discovers that his pops (of whom he hates so very, very much), is in jail for murder. While Zach is there, he decides (250 pages in), to FINALLY come face to face with his Nessie demons.

*sigh* Where do I even begin with this book.
1. I don't mind science. I really don't. But please don't bombard readers with it. This book tries to be far more intelligent than it really is.

2. We get to hear about Zach's inner demons. A LOT. I get it, he's fucked up. His dad was a mentally abusive asshole. His ex-girlfriend sucks. His work colleagues suck. It sucks he lost his job and oddly became a scapegoat for the whole Squid fiasco. The author is trying WAY too hard to get us to feel sorry for Zach. If Zach had been a likable character in the slightest, I might have felt bad for him.

3.Templars against Nessie. That shit was just weird. And now Zach is one of them because he "fought" against one? Well. That happened.

4. The most action you will see in this book is the last 50 or so pages; when the "Templars" and Zach, hunt down Nessie, and try to get rid of the monster once and for all. The actual action itself wasn't interesting. Yet, it was far more interesting than Zach's self loathing. So I'll give the author credit there.

5. Insta-love. I hate Insta-love. Enough said there.

6. The ending was rushed. Wrapped up far too nicely with a little pink bow on top.

Ugh. Was not a fan. Which is sad, because I really wanted to love this book. If you are a hardcore Nessie fan, stay away from this book. If you love books were Scotland is the focus location; there are better books out there.

1/5

Nerdish new year resolutions

I am actually writing this more for my own memories sake than anything. The old I get, the more difficult it is to remember things I said I'd do at the beginning of the year. So I came up with a couple of nerdy new year resolutions, since giving up my period for the new year never seems to work out for me. DAMN YOU UTERUS!!!!

Resolution
1. Finish goodreads challenge of 100 books. I surpassed my goal last year, (a goal I totally forgot that I set), by 35 books. Luckily, graphic novels, manga and children's books TOTALLY count on goodreads. Yay for small favors.

2. Finish the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. At the moment, I am less than half way through the monster that is book 4. At the moment, the plan is to read at least one-three books a month. This way I'm not on complete WoT overload, and can cleanse my brain with other books. If all goes according to plan, I should hopefully finish the series by the fall. Don't hold me to it or anything, but I'm hoping that is what happens.

3. Finally finish Tales of Xillia 2!!!I have been working on this game for far too long. I love it, I really do, but books keep getting in the way and then I forget to pick up a game controller. I need to finish Tales of Xillia so I can start on Tales of Zestria. That has been teasing me since last fall.

4. Get through all the DLC in Dragon Age Inquisition. Now, I did have a review all ready for this. But, I felt it was unfair to write a review before I've playthrough every class, romanced everyone I can and play all the DLC. I've done maybe 4ish playthroughs. I do love the game, but I feel I need to play it more in order to bring an honest review. It will be two years late, but that's just how I roll

5. Read at least 3 non-fiction books. I don't have anything against non-fiction. I just don't really feel the need to read about someone's existence who is either better or worse than mine. I realize there might be some good non-fiction books out there and I'm limiting myself by not reading them. I plan to change that. If anyone has any suggestions feel free to recommend.

6. Start a youtube channel. I have actually been thinking about doing this since I discovered booktube last year. I be all like "Whhhat??!!There is a place on youtube where I can watch people talking about books, hauling books, reviewing books?! I can do that!" After months of planning, I'm finally getting around to buying the equipment I would need. Tripod, lights (because my room is fucking dark.)etc.. I'm not doing it to be popular, or get subs. I'm doing this because I love talking about books, and love other people who love talking about books, games, graphic novels...getting in touch with my peeps!

That's all. The resolution list is small. Because, why overexert yourself with needless effort. WOOT!

Lamb

This review is long overdue. I have maybe a hand full of books I adore with every fiber of my being. Now, I enjoy a lot of books. I love a lot of books. Adoring a book is completely different. I'm talking about the book you don't want to put down. The book you dream about at night after being forced to close it because your eyes wont stay open any longer. The book that you read yearly after your initial first encounter. I have 5 books that fit in to this category.  Lamb The gospel according to Biff, Christ's childhood pal. by Christopher Moore, is one of my favorite books of life. I'm even going to bother looking at this book objectively. It's a pretty fucking awesome coming of age story.

Josh (Christ), is ready for the world to read the 30 gap left out of the bible. Who better to tell his story than someone who was there and his best friend. Levi who the call Biff, is brought back from the dead by a angel who is none...none too bright, so Biff can get to work on his scripture.

We read about Josh's childhood. Romans have oppressed the Jews of Nazareth for a very long time. Everyone is tired of the controlling Romans, but only Josh and Biff have the balls to actually do anything about it. Really though, this story is about Josh coming to terms with being the son of god, (which he actually takes in stride), preparing himself mentally for his destiny. NOT losing his patience when Biff opens his big fat mouth, and gets them both in to trouble with Biff's sarcasm. On a related note: no one except Biff can claim to be punched in the face by our savior. Three times that I remember.  In Josh's defense he lasted a lot longer than anyone would have. You can only handle hearing so many times about how your best friend will allow you to call him dad once your mom's husband finally croaks and he can FINALLY marry her.
 Maggie (Mary), has a huge crush on Josh. Both Josh and Biff have a crush on Maggie. Only Biff is willing to act on it, but Maggie has very little interest in Biff. She wants Josh. Sadly for Maggie,  Josh has taken a vow of celibacy. A vow Biff tries to talk Josh out of quite often.
John the Baptist  is a crazy mofo who believes he is the messiah, that is until Josh and Biff come along. How does this go about? Biff tells John and angel came down and said Josh was it. To this John is pretty much "Oh. Okay, that's awesome. Can I follow you guys?" Wait. What?
By his teens, Josh knows that he was born to die for our sins. Biff and Maggie, on the other hand, has a hard time accepting this and do everything in their power to keep the inevitable from happening.

Anything beyond what I've already wrote will just take away from the book itself. I'm not sure if I've made this book sound blasphemous or not. It really is not. At least I don't think it is. Biff's humor might be a little raunchy at times, but Josh sets off the humor with his level head and trying to talk sense in to Biff. Oh, and telling him on occasion to shut his big mouth. It almost never works, but he tries.
I digress. I say this about so few books, but it's amazing. So amazing in fact, I own three different copies (One that is pictured above and signed by Christopher Moore. I will have it buried with me when I die.).

It's obvious Christopher Moore took a lot of time researching the bible and the Tanakh before writing this. Most of the actual historical moments and situations in this story are dead on.

I love Biff and Josh's friendship. They love each other as only best friend's can. But, they also drive each other bat shit crazy. Biff is always talking about how he wants to bang Josh's mom. Which, understandably, annoys Josh to no end. Josh is always putting others needs before himself. Which annoys Biff. They are two opposites  that work well together.

There is almost no real romance to speak of other than with Maggie and the guys. I guess you could count Biff's brief relationship with a hooker in India. She did teach him all about the Karmasutra. If that's not love, I don't know what is. 

This book has a bit of everything. Action. Adventure. Lots of humor. A tiny bit of romance. Heartbreak. Heart felt moments. Friendship. What is not to love.
If anyone is looking to laugh out loud, then I urge you to give this book a try. You wont regret it. 

10000000/5
 

Krampus: The Yule Lord

We are just going to jump right in to what this is about.

Krampus: The yule lord by Brom takes the legend of Krampus and makes it complex, dark and funny.

Jolly old Saint Nick has banished Krampus, and has kept our yule lord chained away in a cave for thousands of years. Krampus could escape, if he had the power to do so. Due to the dwindling belief in Krampus, and the lack of his magic bag, Krampus has no means to escape. His need for  vengeance is the only thing that keeps him going. So what is a angry yule lord to do when he personally can do nothing? He sends minions after Santa and his bag. You know, the bag of toys that brings joy to boys and girls everywhere. Yeah, that belongs to Krampus.

The bag leads us to our main human character. Jesse is down on his luck. Living in a trailer park because his wife and daughter left him for the town's corrupt police chief (or sheriff. I can't remember which it is). He has no real job, but plays his guitar in dive bars to get by. When that doesn't pay the bills, he does runs for the local drug lord.

Jesse is sitting out in his truck thinking of ending it all with a bullet in his brain, when he is witness to something strange. A man in a Santa suit being chased by several devil looking creatures. Suddenly, dying is the last thing on Jesse's mind. The Santa like man takes off in his sleigh with the devil beings hitching a ride. Through a series of odd events, Jesse ends up with the bag. Which throws Jesse in to  a series of weird and life altering events.

Bring in a drug lord wanting to off Jesse, and kidnap his daughter for leverage. A cop who is not the greatest human being on earth. Jesse being thrown in to the path of Krampus (who actually takes a liking to Jesse.), and a magical bag. 

I have to say that I am really impressed by Brom's writing style. After reading The Child Thief, I needed more. Krampus is more complex than you would think. I wont go in to detail about Krampus and Santa's deep hatred for each other, or back round stories, you all will have to read it for yourself. Believe me, it's worth it. I already liked Krampus  (my affinity for siding with "bad guys" and the misunderstood strikes again), but this story gave him some depth and you feel for him and his situation.

Oh Jesse. His redneck drama was a welcomed break from the main story. If Jess didn't have bad luck, he would have no luck at all. But, he manages to pull through, and keep a sense of humor about him.

The minions are awesome. They were once human from different periods in time. Which means they are all on the older side, but Krampus and his magic keeps them youngish.

This was a really good novel. I'm sad Brom does not have more novels out. Hopefully, I will just be content looking at his art books until he writes something new.

This is directly from Brom's site. If you can't tell, he leans more towards the creepy side. Which makes the horror junkie in me happy.

Give this a go. You wont regret it. Unless you like Santa. Then this might not be the book for you. Personally, I think a guy breaking in to homes, leaving things for children and expecting cookies and milk in return is rather creepy.

5/7.....*snicker* JK. 5/5

The Child Thief. Review

Think about the whimsical tale that is Peter Pan for a moment. Flying. Powers. Staying young forever. Playing all day long with Peter and his lost boys. Okay. Now take away the whimsy of this classic tale. All you are left with a creepy young boy who befriends children, wins their trust, then lures them to a far off land never to be seen again. It's terrifying. 

There you have "The Child Thief" a retelling of Peter Pan by Brom. 

Honestly, I'm not sure how to review this book without giving away key elements of the story. For now, we'll just stick to the basics. 

You all know Peter's shtick by now. Taking Children off to a far off land In order to play with him. Well, what if there was something darker behind that? I won't give away the reason here, but it doesn't paint Peter as the playful scamp we have all grown to know. 

What if the Captain wasn't as bad as we thought? What if he were just a trapped soul wanting to go home? That is the case here. However, the Captain could have picked a better group of traveling companions. The captain is from the Crusade era. Eleminating those who don't believe in God. The captain's traveling companions happen to be made of priest zealots. Who are determined to rid this pagan land of the devil. should stop here and mention that because of the era these guys are, there is some torture in this story. The captain isn't actually "bad", just from a time of narrow mindedness 

and one track ideas. 

The Mist is the enterance between Peter's world and mankind's world. It is controlled by "The Lady", who actually is the life force behind everything in this world. At this point she has not been seen in years, Because of this the mist is becoming unstable and the world is dying. I have already given too much away here. 

Meet the kidnapped children. Most of them abused or abandoned by parents. Some are runaways. One is a murderer. I'm not going to give too much away about these kids. They each have their story and I'm not going to be the one to give it away. These are the second most intriguing characters in this story. 

Peter is actually the most interesting character. We learn a lot about his background through memories. You Understand why he is the way he is, and why he does things a little differently. This doesn't make his actions throughout the book excusable, but the background info makes it easier to understand his thought process. 

I wasn't expecting much from this novel when I started, but the further I got in to they story, the more I was drawn in to this world and it's people. This is a gory and dark book. VERY dark. Luckily, I dig that kind of thing. 

It you enjoy the darker side of classic story retellings, I suggest giving this a go. I don't often use this word to describe a book, but it is beautiful. Crass, but beautifully written. 

5/5 

Lost After Dark review

Do you enjoy slasher flicks? Horror movies set in the 80's? A slasher flick that turns ever slasher trope upside down? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to watch Lost After Dark. It's an 80's slasher flick that wasn't made in the 80's. That being said, it does manage to pull of an 80's horror flick feel, from the acting, fashion, music, lingo, right down to the video quality.

It begins as every slasher flick does. A bunch of teenagers plan a weekend getaway to a cabin in the woods. Our eight brilliant teenagers steal a bus from the school they all attend, then, away they go. Sounds so unlike any slasher film ever in existence right?

A short list of the expected tropes that did happen during the film:
The bus broke down in the middle of nowhere
Spotted the abandoned house on top of the hill
 Jump scares (which pissed me off to no end)
Making out
Beer
Cannibal killer
The Obligatory black guy, nerdy guy and virginal chick that EVERY slasher film stars.

Now that we have that out of the way, we can talk about what actually surprised me.
The one thing that took me by complete surprise.

The virginal character, the one we all thought would be the end game survivor, was actually the first to die. Horribly. This movie had my attention after this went down.

There was a unexpected Grind house moment in the middle of the film. An intense moment is just suddenly gone and "lost" due do....well it doesn't really explain why. It made me chuckle.

A SMART cannibal killer. I know, I know. This just sounds weird to those of us who love teen slashers. This movie made the smart, backwoods hick thing happen. He didn't blindly chase his victims around like someone desperate for flesh. He watched, waited and stalked his prey.

The Black guy is the second to last person to die. Still sad he died since he was my favorite character of the bunch. Sadly, some tropes just wont die. Nevertheless, he wasn't the first. So it's progress I suppose.

The Goth girl is actually the last to die.
 
The character I thought would be  the second to die was actually the last person standing.

There was no sex in this movie. Making out of course. An implied blow job scene that ended as quickly as it began. Hmm. Sorry guys, no boobs for you in this movie.

Animal killing. Now this confused me. One of the gals put her dog in to her bag (because teenagers make brilliant life choices), this actually ends up being more of a hindrance when her and her boyfriend are hiding from the killer in a car. The dog wont stop whining. So she snaps his neck to shut him up. Now, I am not a dog person by any means, but this still bothered me. It felt like it was tossed in purely for shock value. Why not crack the door open a bit, let the dog escape and use him as a distraction?

The blood and gore in this movie is surprisingly plentiful and graphic.


The ending was a complete and utter tribute to Halloween and Friday the 13th. Those of you who have seen both movies know exactly what I am talking about. Which didn't bug me, but it does go on the expected list.

Overall this movie is worth watch. If you can find it for under 10 bucks, I'd say it's even worth owning. It was a pleasant surprise. A blast in the past while being somewhat original.

YOU review

Right before I started this book, I was telling someone that reading main stream horror isn't something I really do anymore after starting myself on extreme horror. And then I read You by Caroline Kepnes.

This novel is complicated, which makes it a little difficult to review.I could go the easy route and riddle this review with spoiler but I wont. It's a book worth reading and I will tell you why.

YOU isn't your typical blood and gore horror story. So if you are anything like me and look for that in a scary novel, you wont find it here. Nope. This is stalker horror, which in my opinion, is much scarier. This story is told completely from the stalkers point of view, which only adds to the creepiness factor.

Joe is your average, semi-humble guy who works in a book store. He cares about his work and completely judges people on the books they buy. Joe has a bit of a hangup. When he finds a girl he is interested in, he skips the other emotions and goes straight to the love thing.
One day, Beck enters Joe's book store. It is obsession at first sight. Joe just knows Beck is the only woman on this earth made for him and him alone.
Instead of having a long drawn out conversation with her, like your typical person would do, he checks up on the name that is on her credit card, and stalks her on every form of social media known to man. Joe even sits outside of Beck's apartment and watches what Beck does on a daily basis.
Joe is a patient man, so he bides his time and works in conversations and chance meetings here and there. Soon enough, Joe has worked his way in to Beck's life and makes himself indispensable.

That is really is the all I can write about without getting in to spoilers.

Like I said, this book is completely from Joe's point of view. Being in his head is disturbing, mostly because his logic is oddly sound most of the time, and I found myself kind of connecting with his character. Its sound until you close the book and take a moment to remember how utterly NOT okay Joe actions are. Not sure what that says about me, being able to connect to a stalker and all. It disturbed me more than anything. 

Let us talk about Beck for a moment. I don't get Joe's attraction to this self absorbed, damaged woman. Not damaged like "awww. She has it so rough" kind of way. Damaged like she's a pathological liar. She tells lie after lie in order to make people feel sorry for her. Beck also allows her best friend, (who is also a pathological liar. Of course Beck doesn't see this and buys in to the friends bullshit stories),to boss her around and use her as an emotional punching bag. I make Beck sound more complex than she really is. Apparently, she's beautiful and I suppose that is an attraction point. Otherwise I don't understand the obsession Joe has with her.

There is some killing in this book, but it isn't overly detailed or gory. Oddly enough, I was okay with it.

The ending is something I kind of didn't see coming, yet I wasn't surprised. You know how stalker stories usually end, but just the way everything went down was a bit of a twist. The ending also left it open for more books. Something I am all for, because I will be reading the next book.

If you are in the mood for an atmospheric horror and nothing extreme, I recommend picking this up. It's a slow burn horror, but it captures your attention from the first page to the last. It doesn't drag, and Mrs. Kepnes keeps things moving and interesting.

Not the type of horror I usually read, but it's still a 5/5 read.

The Book Sacrifice Tag.

This is an older tag but it sounds like so much fun, because, and lets be realistic here, all of us book worms enjoy hating on shitty books.
This tag was created three years ago by Ariel Bissett. I will link her youtube channel below so you can see the original tag.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2UxYi8fOA




Disclaimer: I don't mean to offend anyone. This is not attack on your personal preference. I just really did not like these. Plus this tag just sounds like a lot of fun.





1. The over-hyped book: Let’s start this off with a Zombie Apocalypse! Let’s say you’re in a book store, just browsing, when BAM! ZOMBIE ATTACK. An announcement comes over the PA System saying that the military has discovered that the zombies’ only weakness is over-hyped books. What book that everyone else says is amazing but you really hated do you start chucking at the zombies knowing that it will count as an over-hyped book and successfully wipe them out?!

Hands down these zombies would get a taste of this:

So much dislike for this entire series. Teenage brooding and drama I can deal with. Vampires that sparkle. No, no and fuck no. Fuck you sparkly vampires. Not to mention the abusive relationship.


2. The Sequel: Let's say you've just left the salon with a SMASHING new haircut and BOOM: Torrential downpour. What sequel are you willing to use as an umbrella to protect yourself?

 This is most likely going to get me a lot of hate....but this one: 

Nothing happens! Walking, eating, sleeping, more walking, talking about this epic journey, walking and more sleeping. That is what happens in this book. Oh and two hobbits eventually destroy a ring. You have to read through a lot of detailed walking, sleeping, eating, walking, walking and more walking to get there though.


3. The Classic: Let's say you're in a lecture and your English teacher is going on and on about how this classic changed the world, how it revolutionized literature and you get so sick of it that you chuck the classic right at his face because you know what? This classic is stupid and it's worth detention just to show everyone how you feel! What Classic did you chuck?




This:

I am not only pissed off at myself for actually spending 20 bucks on the edition shown here, but I have tried sooooo many times to read this. I just can't do it. I love weirdness in books, but this is just scrambled weirdness that has no definitive story. Kudos to those of you that love and appreciate this book. I do not.


4.Your least favorite book of life!: Let's say that you're hanging out at the library when BAM global warming explodes and the world outside becomes a frozen wasteland. You're trapped and your only chance for survival is to burn a book. What is the book you first run to, your least favorite book of all life, what book do you not fully regret lighting?




Anyone who knows me, knows damn well what is coming. My complete and utter loathing for this book and the three books that followed is endless. I actually have been known to go on hour long tangents over how these books add nothing to the literary world.
I am, of course, talking about these blights upon the eyes:

*takes a deep calming breath*
Let's see if I can sum this up in the style of Ana's narration:

"Meg bites her lower lip and her inner goddess roars as her eyes flutter sexily across these unattractive words of unattractiveness. Meg bites her lower lip and she slowly shuts the book. Then, Meg, (while biting her lip), sexily walks across the room to the place where you set fires and stuff. Meg's inner goddess screams at her to throw the unattractive book of extreme unattractiveness in to the attractive and hot fire of extreme hotness. Meg bites her lower lip before she gives in. She chucks the unattractive book in to the sexy flames of sexiness and sighs sexily in relief."

So much loathing for this series. I felt dirty reading it. Glorifying abuse and abusive relationships is NEVER okay. I felt it set back women's rights. I am so finding myself wanting to send E.L James a thesaurus.


On a completely related side note. I feel I should add that I actually HAVE burned all four Twilight books. It was totally worth it and don't regret it.




Wow! I managed not to go on my usual Fifty Shades rant. Go me!

So there you all have it. My least favorite books ever.

 

His Pain Review

I don't hide the fact that I am a lover of all things horror related. I've been pretty stuck on my regular horror authors. Stephen King, Dean Koontz, John Saul, Peter Straub. Now, on occasion I have dabbled outside of these regulars. It wasn't until I read Snuff by Adam Huber and Eric Enck, that a book had really disturbed me. Since reading Stuff, I have dipped in and out of the more extreme horror stuff. It wasn't until mid-last year that I found out extreme horror is actually a thing, a legit sub-genre of it's very own.
I found the book that is about to be reviewed COMPLETELY by accident. Actually, I was watching a movie on netflix called "Come Back to me". I found the story interesting and I found out it was a book first. Of course I had to look that shit up. The book is called The Resurrectionist  by Wrath James White.  I didn't end up buying it until later, but it lead me to His Pain by the same author. The cover was disturbing, yet intriguing. The rest is kindle downloading history.
This is a story that stays with you long after you finish it. Hell, I read it a year ago and it is something that still sticks in my mind a year later.

Jason is born with a very rare disorder. He is hypersensitive to everything. Touching, tasting, sound, smells: they all bring him nothing but mind numbing pain. His own mother (Melanie), can't even hold Jason when he screams out in pain. Jason surprises his doctors by living far beyond his life expectancy of a few years and makes it to 18.  Jason has made it through life so long because Jason lives his life in a bubble, (literally), to keep safe from the world around him. they have Jason on a heavy regiment of drugs, (both legal and illegal), triple boil all of his food and try as hard as they can to keep his room sound proof. What a way to live life right?
 Jason's mother long ago considered what no mother would even dream of thinking about, killing her own son to save him from a lifetime of misery. Appalled,  Melanie's husband, (Edward),talks her out of doing it every time it's suggested. That doesn't stop Melanie from thinking about doing it daily. (I mention this because it comes in to play later in the book.).
One day, Melanie comes across Yogi Arjunda on a local talk-show. Yogi claims with time he can cure any ailment. Having run out of medical and spiritual options, Melanie sends Yogi a desperate email asking for his help. When all is said and done, both Melanie and Edward (who is reluctant, but agrees anyways.), agree to allow Yogi a month to work with Jason and hope everything turns out for the best.  
Yogi's treatment does work....in a way, and  also back fires in a huge way. Yogi's method is unconventional. His idea is to make Jason feel all of his pain and learn to embrace it all instead of fearing it. Jason does learn to live with and even enjoy pain. Unfortunately, he also wants to show his parents and the world what his pain has felt like for the past 18 years. Shit gets real after Yogi "cures" Jason.

My feelings on this book are so conflicted. I don't really want to admit that I liked it, because that just makes me sound like a fucked up human. But I did not hate it. I commend Mr. White for NOT taking the typical, "backwoods, cannibalistic, redneck route", that so many other extreme horror authors take. Mr White went for something that felt believable and real. Mr. White also touches on some controversial issues as well. Is it okay for a mother, who gave birth to this child who is constantly in unbelievable pain every single day, too want to kill her own son to save him from more pain? Personally, I would be asking that question too if I were in Melanie's shoes. I might even act on it, given a kid like Jason's condition in life. I liked this book because it does bring up such taboo subjects and forces you to think about them.

Despite all of his horrendous actions later on in the book, Jason is very easy to sympathize with. Even after his rampage it is, (as much as I hate to say this), it's still kinda easy to see where he's coming from, (except the long scene with his mom after he gets "better". That bit was just fucking gross.). He is a kid who lives with nothing but pain, and once he learns to live with it and go about his daily life, he finds himself suddenly lost; unsure where he fits in to the world. It is kind of sad in a way, and I found myself feeling a little bit sorry for the kid.

The gore is....well it's extreme horror. You can pretty much expect the gross, unexpected and depraved. There were some parts that even had this horror princess cringing and gagging a little. Any book that can do that is alright by me.
 
 I will not be giving away the ending, but there is one thing that really stuck out to me. It actually comes back to Melanie wanting to kill her own son. Jason is face to face with his dad (Edward  is looking into the unpopular end of a shotgun), and Edward can't believe his son would want to kill him. Naturally, Edward asks him why. Jason tells him because you always said no. (This is paraphrasing a bit, but it is close enough to what was actually said in the book.) Edward asks him what he means. Jason says something to the effect of: you always said no when mom wanted to kill me and end my suffering. Killing me would have been the kindest thing you two could have done.    
     I thought those these were very powerful words. I actually thought about this scene long after I finished this book. You will have to read it for yourselves and determine for yourself what is the right or wrong course of actions in this case. I haven't really come across too many EH books that actually have me pondering it's moral contents long after I finish reading.

I know earlier I said I can't say I like this book. Screw feeling the a horrible human being. I liked this book. As soon as I'm able to forget it, I'll most likely drag it back out and reread it again. Mr White's stories are always though provoking, unique and touch on taboo subjects. I like that in a writer. If you are looking for something a little more disturbing than a Stephen King story, than I suggest starting with this story. Then work your way into White's other works. This novel is actually rather tame compared to his other stories. Sad but true folks.
I proudly ,(as a decent human being), give this story a 5/5        

Malice review

It has been a while. I've been in bookworm land, and have touched little else but a book or my kindle in the last few months. That being said, I have SEVERAL books in need of review. For now, we will go with the series I am currently reading, (spoiler alert. I LOOOOOVE this series.). For once I will be refraining from spoilers. It will be hard, but I want fantasy lovers like myself to read these books.

I recently picked up both Malice and Valor by John Gwynne from amazon.com. They are simple by eye catching covers, plus they both got pretty good reviews. Why not just go for it. I am not going to lie people, both of these books are no joke. Not the biggest book I've tackled, but not small by any means. Each book is 600+ pages. So if you are looking for a commitment, these are the books for you.

Our story is set in the Banished Lands. According to the map inside the book, (and what is actually written in the book.), there are many provinces within the Banished Lands. Each province has it's own king/queen, (or both), along with rules. Some lands get on a little better than others. Wars and skirmishes tend to break out more often than not here.

So, let me backtrack here a little and talk about Elyon and Asroth. The god wars began with these two. Elyon being a benevolent god, and Asroth being a great deceiver and all around douche monkey. While these two are not main characters in the story, they each play a big part in events to come.
A thousand (give or take a few years), years ago there was a god war. Elyon won and Asroth was banished to the underworld for all time. Asroth despised Elyon's creation of man and giants, and pitted the two races against each other. This action sent Elyon  to desperate measures, extinguishing the threat in to almost extinction. Elyon did figure out Asroth's plan, but massive damage had been done. Elyon, in despair, abandoned man and giant kind so he could mourn those he killed. This leaves Asroth with time to figure out how to release himself from the underworld and destroy Elyron's creations he hates so much.
This all comes in to play with a prophecy, (yes, yes. I know almost every fantasy series has one of these), there will be the "The bright star", which would be Elyon's champion, (I'd say minion of righteousness, but that sounds less heroic.). "The dark star" would, of course be Asroth's vessel to control.

Now we come to our players in this book. There are A LOT of them. Thankfully, Mr Gwynne makes them all easy to follow, so it doesn't feel so cluster fuckish. For now I'll cover the main players.

Corban is a teenage boy who dreams of being a great warrior. His name day is soon coming and he will finally get to show his worth. Unfortunately, the town bully, Rafe, makes him feel anything but a warrior. In order to better his confidence and his skills, Corban seeks out Gar, the local and mysterious stable master and asks for some training. That training will prove to be useful in more ways than one.

Veradis at first unwillingly joins the high prince's warband. Veradis is skilled with a sword, which comes in handy when your apart of a warband. The high prince and Veradis become rather fast friends, (given they have saved each others lives on several occasions.). Veradis and his dedication to his high prince is unwavering, and wants nothing more than to see his prince succeed in his journey.

Evnis is counsellor to king Brenin of Ardan, (Which also happens to be home to Corban as well). While he may have the kings ear, Evnis and his allegiances lie elsewhere. Really, all he wants is power.

Nathair is high prince and has ambitions way beyond his own fathers. He is ruthless and will cut down anyone who gets in his way.

*Deep breath*. The characters in this first novel are so varied and very well developed. Everyone in this book has reasons for what they do. No matter how far fetched they may seem, each character does a excellent job at justifying their actions; almost making the most horrible betrayal seem logical in a way.
We aren't going to get in to betrayals, because that would ruin the book. Rest assured there is A LOT of it in this story.
The world building is just as fantastic as the character development. Mr. Gwynne describes landscapes in such a way that you can see it in your mind, actually picturing what forests, picture what the people look like. It has been a long time, (Not since I've read...well any Robin Hobbs book. She's pretty much the queen of world and character building), since I've been able to picture a land and it's people in my head.
The battle scenes, (which usually bore me in most fantasy books), are richly composed and a joy to read. Which is super unusual. 
This isn't really a spoiler, but at one point Corban saves a Wolven cub from being killed by a hunt party. While I didn't list Storm as a main character, she should be. She has personality, and is fierce in her protection of Corban. It's sweet and reassuring. And most of all pleases the animal lover in me.

The villains are complex, and you can almost understand why they act the way they do. Well, all except for Asroth, he is your typical crawling from the underworld, and taking over the world kind of asshat. But Asroth aside, I  do enjoy a villain(s) with depth.

I really can't say anything bad about this book. Yes, it does the typical prophecy thing, which usually annoys me, but it isn't until book two that this prophecy is explored and explained a little more. I mean it's a little predictable who the dark and bright stars will be. But it's fun letting the characters come to conclusions and accept the truth themselves.

I've already finished the second book, Valor. I loved the second book almost as much as the first. I'm just sad I have to wait until October for book three, and even longer for book four.

But for anyone in need of a great fantasy read, this is the book for you!
10/5

Favorite Horror Novels

I've been trying to figure out what to do a review on.  Instead of a review, and since it's that time of year again, it's time to list off my favorite horror novels. Since last year I did my favorite movies, which actually haven't changed much.

1. Salem's Lot by Stephen King.
I know that I have already done a review on this book, so I wont go in to details. But this is a vampire story for those of us who don't like reading about sparkly vampires. Enough said.

2.Horns by Joe Hill.
This is a recent read for me, if only because the movie is coming out in a couple of days. I did put off reading it for years and years, mostly because I am not the biggest Joe Hill fan. Better late than never, and I must say this is right up there with Salem's Lot as far as bad ass horror novels go.
Imagine waking up one morning from a drunken bender, with horns on your head. Also imagine people coming up to you just to tell you their most disturbing and horror secrets. Ig isn't sure how he should handle this either.
I'm not going to go in to a full on review, since I do plan on doing one a little later. If you love semi religious horror like I do, read this.

3.Snuff by Adam Huber & Eric Enck.
Where to even begin with this book.This is one of the shortest horror novels I know, and to be honest I was slightly disappointed at first. Then I read it, and was thrilled it wasn't any longer. This is probably one of the most horrific books I have ever read. There is no in between with this book, either you don't mind reading it, or you hate it. There is no enjoying or liking it. Unless you enjoy reading about a psychotic, down on his luck actor and his friend being paid by others to make snuff films  of them raping and killing women in the worst ways.
The main character (the actor), is already raping and killing women for the thrill of it. One day his friend, (for the life of me I can't remember his name), comes to him with the idea of a snuff film business venture, where they could actually make money from something actor dude already enjoys doing. The business takes off, and everything is going well for these two psycho's, until they kill the wrong girl. The hunters then become the hunted by someone ten times more psychotic and creative.
This book is not for the faint of heart. To be honest I've only read it twice, but if you are in the mood for gore this would be the book for you.

4. The Strain by Guillero Del Toro & Chuck Hogan
This is book one of a three book series, (is also a series on FX). It is one of the more interesting vampire tales. It begins with a flight coming in to JFK airport, and lands with only four survivors. They were allowed to survive for a reason; to spread the vampire infection. These are your classic vampires. Not attractive, no gaining of the trust of humans. Just out right mean and ready to harvest the human race.
If I remember correctly, (pretty sure I am not),  vampirisim in this trilogy is more like a parasite that needs a host in order to feed on the blood it needs to live.  Like I said, I might be wrong on that, but I don't think I am.
It's good up until the last book. The ending was rushed and felt cliched. But the journey there was sure gory and fun.

5.Terror Town by James Roy Daley
I'm pretty sure I did a review on this book already. Or at least started one. This is a lot like Salem's Lot, minus the vampires but add in some weird mutant bugs. It takes you through the life of the towns people, which all seem normal enough at first, until we get to one of our main villain's. Actually he is the only actual human villain in this whole story. This dude seems normal enough at first, but even normal people have secrets. He just happens to enjoy kidnapping young girls, locking them up in cages and keeping them for years and years, until they die. He is more disturbing than the bugs that come later on.
This book was brutal, but fun. I hate saying that about any book with torture in it, but it really was. The ending was a little odd, but it was still a good and interesting read.

6. Ghost Story by Peter Straub
Take Salem's Lot, take away the vampires, add a haunted house with some super pissed off ghosts. Now you have Ghost Story. It doesn't surprise me that Straub's writing is similar to King's own writing style. They have co-wrote several books together so I went in completely expecting a King type book. Luckily, it was in the spirit of Salem's Lot, which, as all know, is near and dear to my heart, (are we sensing a theme here?).
I will say that sometimes this book did drag a little, but that is forgivable thanks to the great characters Straub gives us.

7. The Devil Next Door by Tim Curran
Now I KNOW that I have done a review on this story. It starts out grabbing you by the throat. Really, it's a look in to the human mind in times of dire stress and chaos. It's ending is disappointing, but everything before that is brutal and unforgiving. Don't get attached to any one character, because they wont be living for long.

8. 99 Coffins by David Wellington.
Now THIS right here is vampire brutality at it's finest. The supernatural already exists here, it's more of a struggle of humanity trying to contain them.
The hero of this story is Laura Caxton. She has no superpowers herself. No superior knowledge of vampires. She is just a human cop trying to survive and save people. She somehow manages to come face to face with a vampire. She not only lives to tell the tale, but she manages to kill it. For someone with no training in slaying, some of the higher law enforcement agencies take a interest in her. It is only after she kills her first vamp, that she receives the training she will need to reluctantly fill her new off the books job.
This is the first book in a fantastic series. This is one of the few vampire series I've read where the ending was satisfying, the all around story was fast paced and brutal. It is a must read for any vampire junkie.

9. Hater by David Moody.
Let's be honest here, we have all had one of those days where we just want to bash in the head of someone who has pissed us off, then kick them while they are down. Well, this becomes the norm of the world. The hate virus is quickly spreading. It skips over some, but not many. You can't look at anyone, talk to anyone without risk of a chainsaw in the face, or worse.
I will totally admit that I have a weakness for society crumbling horror novels. The name of the book should make the contents obvious. What if hate were a virus, spreading like wildfire and infected those you know and love. Families turning on family members. Friends turning on friends. Strangers turning on anyone who looks at them wrong. Cops beating the shit out of people for fun. Society has no rules anymore, and everyone is fair game for the beating.
I have yet to finish the third and last book, but the first two captured my attention and were really well written.

10. The Stand by Stephen King.
I love me some King. I love many of his books, but The Stand took a while for me to even crack open and read. It is REALLY intimidatingly huge. Once I started reading this, I kicked myself for not reading it sooner. It is a fantastic post apocalyptic story. Where the good guys are semi good, but make hard decisions in order to stay alive. The bad guys are out to take the world for themselves and hope all others mindlessly follow. There is, of course, more to this novel than that, but I wont be giving any of it away.

11. The Shining by Stephen King.
This book was one I put off for a while. I will be totally honest, I judged this book by the movie. I HATED the movie. It wasn't until many, may years later, when I heard it was fairly different from it's shitty counter part, that I even decided to give it a try. The characters have the same names, but the pacing of the plot and content are somewhat different.
I will assume most have seen the piece of shit movie. So I wont go in to details about the story. If you have seen the movie, I highly suggest giving the book a try. It is WAY better.

12. The Relic by Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child
Science, a monster and murder. That is pretty much this book in a nutshell. I make this sound far more boring than it actually is. Believe me, it is anything but boring. If you have seen the movie, I beg you, please don't judge this book by it's campy Hollywood counterpart. This is labeled as the first book in the Pendergast series, (which is another favorite, but doesn't fit in to the horror genre), but it really is a stand alone novel.
People are dying mysteriously in the New York Museum of natural history. It is obvious whatever is killing all these people is not human. This is where the science comes in.

13. The Howling by Gary Brandner.
Yes. The Howling series started out as a book, and they are just as good as the movie. If you have not seen the movie, or read the books; The Howling is a Werewolf among us kind of series. Now, I will say that the last two books are thankfully NOTHING like the second and third movies.Which make them worth reading. These aren't the Werewolves who enjoy the company of people, nor do they even like people. To them Humans are food and that is it. End of story. One woman stands against Werewolves and it's not pretty. Her Husband turns against her and then hunts her. All in all she is kinda having a bad year. It doesn't get any better for her in book two. She can't kill her husband and it comes back to bite her on the ass. HA! Pun totally intended.

14. Pretty When She Dies by Rhiannon Frater.
Another book I reviewed, but it is so good. The whole series took me completely by surprise. All of the books are bloody, gory, with a slight bit of romance thrown in, but thankfully not much.
Amaliya wakes up a vampire and hungry. A nearby frat house pays the price for her hunger. Now she must not only learn the vampire rules, but she must also take on the powerful vampire that changed her for his amusement.

15.Feed by Mira Grant.
An interesting social commentary take on the Zombie Apocalypse. Blogging, Post apocalyptic politics, and zombies of course. I haven't read very many zombie books that have kept my interest like this one did. Actually, the whole trilogy did up until the end of the last book.
The characters are enjoyable. Story is easy to follow and fun. It is also morbidly funny in some places.

16. Zombie Ohio by Scott Kenemore
My expectation of zombie novels are pretty low, since they all tend to be alike in one way or another. But Zombie Ohio is one of the best zombie stories I have read in a while. A man wakes up dead and not really knowing how he came across his current state. He's a zombie who has managed to retain his mind. I know it sounds a lot like Warm Bodies, and I suppose there are some similarities. Romance. Humor. Gore. Although I will say there is a bit more gore in Zombie Ohio. Our main character starts out as zombie who doesn't want to lower himself to the zombie mentality, he wants to hold on to that bit of humanity he has left. It is a slow progression, but the more he is attacked by humans, the more he gives in to his new nature. By the end it becomes "if you can't beat them, join them". It's his journey to this train of thought that makes this novel funny and interesting.

17. Alaskan Undead Apocalypse by  Sean Schubert
I might like this series as much as I do because it takes place in my town. This is a really ungory zombie series, which is really surprising. Not saying that is a bad thing, but it is different. This is more of a game of survival than killing monsters. Of course there is zombie killing going on, but it is very minimal. I enjoyed the characters, it was easy to related to their struggles and personal relationships. I will say the ending was (like many zombie series), VERY disappointing, so I suggest skipping book four. Books 1-3 are fantastic. 

18. Let the Right one In by John Ajvide Lindqvist
If there is one book on this list that beats out Salem's lot as my favorite novel of all time, it would be this one. Rarely do I call a horror novel beautiful, but it is the only word I can use to describe this one. 
This takes place in 1980 Sweden. Young Oskar goes through life friendless, teased and bullied. It is hard not to connect with with him and his struggles. All he wants is a friend. He finally finds one in Eli, a young vampire who actually has no interest in being friends with anyone. Eli finds something of a soul mate in Oskar. 
There is gore along with a heartwarming story here. It is also one of the new books on this list with a beyond satisfying ending. 
The movies based on this book aren't bad. Let The Right One In follows the book a little better than Let Me In, (The American version), but both movies are both fairly good. 

And there you have it.     
       
  

Contracted Review

I had a game review ready to go. That is until a recent movie I watched. While viewing it was simply BEGGING to be reviewed. Game review on hold. So let us talk about Contracted.

Meet Samantha. A young, attractive woman who lives with her mother. Grows prize winning Lilies  in her closet. She's also happens to be a lesbian. One night Samantha is invited to a party. (No horror movie is complete without a drunken main character scene), Giving in to peer pressure, Samantha has drink after drink. After many drinks, Samantha plum forgets she is a lesbian and her girlfriend she loves ever so much, for one night. She makes the exciting life choice of having sex with a man. In the back seat of a car no less. Super classy! What follows would make Jason from Friday the 13th super proud. Or Perhaps slightly angry he never thought it first.

She wakes up with a sensitivity to light, ringing in her ears and....how do I word this without being super gross.. Believes she might have started her period. The first two are signs of a good night and a bad hangover. Oh no my friends. This is the start of a downward spiral of epic proportions. The red eye sets in soon after the initial "Oh fuck. I drank too much last night" heaving. This is where you as a viewer (and as long as you didn't read the description of the movie.), might have some clue that something really isn't right. The sores, itching and rashes soon follow. And this is only day one.

The movie covers 3 days of Samantha's decent in to STD hell. It's not just one or two STD's this guy gave her. He gave her ALL of them. So really it's a super STD. Man, this chick just can't catch a break. Her mom thinks she is on drugs. Again. Her girlfriend dumps her. She looses out on a Lily competition. She's loosing whole fingernails in people's salads, (She works in a restaurant  by day). She's not only peeing blood, but mealworms as well (Yeah. I really didn't understand that one either). Her eyes are either bloody or all white. Her doctor is no help at all.

Man. What is a girl up shit creek without a paddle to do? By day 3 I think a voice in her head said "fuck it, and fuck everyone else.". She kills her girlfriend because the girlfriend "broke her heart." Kills the gal who told Samantha's girlfriend that she had been with a man. Sleeps with a different guy who has been lusting after her the whole movie. Gets in to a bad car wreak and dies. Kind of. The last 2-3 minutes of the movie suddenly turns in to a zombie movie. Samantha kills her mom and then the movie just ends. No doubt making way for Contracted 2. God forbid.

This is a movie worth seeing once. That is about it. It's an interesting premise. I like the idea of super STD's, if only because the idea of STD's hasn't really been explored in the horror genre. With that being said, I expected a horror movie about STD's to be a lot more disgusting. It had moments where it was mildly disturbing, but nothing more.  The gore make-up job on Samantha was pretty damn impressive though. As was her zombie make-up later on. So there is a positive.

Why were there mealworms dropping from her crotch you ask? Your guess is as good as mine. The only thing I can think of is the dude Sam slept with did screw a corpse before sleeping with Sam. Maybe it's decay from the inside out. Who the hell knows.

The acting was typical B movie acting. If your expecting to sympathize with Samantha or anyone else in this movie,  believe me when I say you aren't. No one is an award winning actor here. Lines felt forced at best.

One thing that REALLLY bugged me was her eyes. One scene they would both be red as red could be. A scene later Sam's right eye would be all white. This happened sporadically throughout the movie. It was very distracting. I guess I'm not up to date on STD's at all, but is there a VD that makes your eyes go from red to white, back to red again? .  

Let us talk about the last few minutes of the movie. Now, if they had quickly gone through Samantha's symptoms and went straight for the STD riddled zombie flick by day 2, that would make for one awesome movie. As poorly acted as this movie was, it still would have been awesome. But to save it for the last 2-3 minutes of the movie is just a lame attempt at setting up for a part 2. Given how anti-climactic this movie was, no one will want to see.

As I said before. Watch it once and promptly forget about it. The movie had a lot of potential, but really just fell flat.

I give this a 5/10    

Salem's Lot review

Time for yet another review. So many horror related things too review and so little time in which too do it all.

I've been thinking about what too review. My mind kept going back to "Salem's Lot". Didn't wanna do it mainly because I know I'm going to be bias. It is my favorite book and reviewing an all time favorite book or movie is not as easy as it sounds. You are forced too think of cons along with the pros. Not something one wants too nit pick in a favorite. No matter how hard I tried to review anything else my mind would not let me move away from the Lot. So brain, I give in. Let's review Salem's Lot.

Welcome to Jerusalem's Lot. Where everyone knows everyone and secrets are never hidden for very long. Almost every person in the Lot has a secret in some fashion or another. A mother beats the shit out of her baby for crying. Drinking problems run ramped. Snooping neighbors who have nothing better too do than listen in on other people's phone conversations.

Ben Mears spent a couple of years as a child in this town. Now an adult, he's come back in order too find inspiration for his new novel. He already knows what the book is going to be about. The closest thing this town has to a skeleton in the closet. The Marsten house. It's a house which looms over the town. The back story behind this house is enough to give children nightmares for weeks too come. He is crazy enough to inquire after renting the Marsten house, only too find out it has already been sold. So a room with a view of the house will just have too do for now.

The buyers of this house are an odd sort. Secretive, charming and dangerous. When one child goes missing and another dead, people start too wonder if these outsiders and Ben have something too do with the strange happenings.

Mark Petrie is smart and has a working knowledge of monster lore. When one of the dead children appear outside his window begging too be let in, Mark knows what is happening and what needs too be done. Slowly but surely other people start seeing the problem as well.

More and more towns people either go missing or turn up dead. But no one stays dead in this town for long. A small band of survivors will take on the source of this town's problem or die trying.


There is a lot more too this book, but describing one's favorite book is harder than I thought it would be.


If you haven't already guessed it by the "let me in" bit, this is a vampire novel. Although, it doesn't come across that way until a little more than half way through the book. It actually comes as a surprise when vampires start showing up left and right.

There are a slew of characters here, but you never feel lost. You always know who is who and never really feel lost in the character sea. I mention Ben and Mark because we typically follow these two throughout the story. But there is Ben's love interest, Susan. The school teacher Matt. Father Callahan (Who is also in the Gunslinger series). Like I said, lots of characters and you get a back story on most of them.

The progression in this book is slow, but I don't really consider this too be a drawback too the story. In fact it sets the mood. It's  really interesting learning about the towns people. Who does what too whom? What dark thing is happening behind that door?  I felt as if I had been too this town and knew almost everyone there. It actually makes it rather sad when the town finally does become a vampire wasteland. You've followed these people and now they've become monsters.

The real start of this story is The Marsten house. I found the back story of this house interesting. The way King describes it makes you think it has a mind of it's own. Like it could take on the town at any moment due to legend alone. Most people want a Salem's Lot 2. Personally I liked how this book ended. I would like too at least see a short story on the house.

That also sadly leads me to a con. I wish I freaking knew more about the house. King makes it out too be almost an entity of it's own. It's just reads like a house that invites weirdness. Sadly we don't get much. We get a vampire base and crazy old people. Not that either of those aren't interesting, they are. The house felt like an unexplored character too me.

All of the characters here are strong and add too the story in their own way. There really isn't any unnecessary characters here. Mark, Ben, Matt and Susan are always interesting too read about. Of course, the vamps are as well.

It's odd that King didn't go in to a whole lot of detail about the house, since detail is ALWAYS his forte. Usually it annoys me, but his attention too detail bodes well for this book. It's a gradual decent into hell for this town and it's people. His attention too detail is key in setting the mood.

There is so much to say about this book, but all of it is gushing praise. So before this becomes far too long, just do yourself a favor and read it now. It's well worth it.

They Live Review

It's been a while! Looks like I have some catching up to do. I could come up with excuses, but who the hell cares. Let's do a review, or some shit like that.


It's almost that wonderful and magical time of the year! I'm talking about Halloween. All of the horror movies and books on sale just make me so happy. At least I'll be swimming in new things too read and watch for a few weeks.

We're going too start the scary movie reviews a little early. Hell, why not?  Retail stores put Halloween shit up in the beginning of September. I'm just following. Although it's damn near the end of September, which just makes my point moot. ANYWAYS.

In all honesty, I went in to "They Live", with extremely low expectations. 1. I'm not real big on John Carpenter movies. 2. It's an 80's horror flick. and 3. It stars Roddy Pipper, and I don't expect amazing acting skills from a WWE wrestler. But, I often hear this movie being called "The greatest movie you have never seen". Also, once I learned Keith David had a role, I knew I needed to watch this movie. I greatly enjoy that man.

I'm actually glad I went in to this expecting a typical cheesefest, 80's horror flick. That means I was pleasantly surprised at how different and wonderful this movie is. I'm actually not really sure if I would classify this as a horror movie. Yes, it has suspenseful moments, but really, it's a big of everything. Drama. Sci-fi. Suspense. Mystery.

Roddy Pipper plays Nada. A homeless construction worker who is just trying to keep his head down and steady work. Easier said that done when you're a homeless, hobo, construction worker. Early on he befriends Frank. (Keith David), who is in nearly the same boat.
After a series of unfortunate events involving a crazy (or at least we think he's crazy. In reality not so much), reverend, and the police ransacking and destroying the homeless camp where Nada resides; Nada finds himself homeless once again. Nada finds a box of typical looking sunglasses in a wall within a church. Much too his disgust, Nada tosses the box in a trash can, but he keeps one pair for himself. This is where shit gets weird.
The every day, typical looking sunglasses allow Nada too see the world as it really is. Subliminal messages everywhere and in everything. No one is exactly who they appear too be. Aliens in human skin are everywhere. They are fucking ugly. Nada actually brings attention too this fact at one point. It lands him in a shit load of trouble too. The Aliens have already overtaken the police force. So who can a buff hobo turn too for help.

I'm not going to give away anymore of the story, since I think this is a movie every horror fan NEEDS to see. It's original as far as 80's movies go.  Although, I will say the end was a bit typical and expected. But I'm able to forgive that after since I pretty much knew this was the only way things could end.

The acting isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Not wonderful and defiantly 80's caliber, but not bad.

In all honesty, I really can't say anything negative about this movie. Don't go in expecting mucho amounts of horror and gore. But I really don't see that as a negative.

So go do your self a favor and rent this movie. I bought it right after I watched it because I thought it was worth the $.

I give this a rare 10/10.

A very late review of the Mass Effect series.

Who has two hands and has been doing WAY too much gaming lately? This chick right here. I kinda came up with this new rule for myself. I MUST finish all of my other games before I get anything new. This rule was made up after the release of Tomb Raider and Bioshock Infinate. Soooooo. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

That being said, I figured it was time I played the Mass Effect trilogy. A whole two months of nothing but Mass Effect. I could have used my old save from ME, but I wanted to start fresh and with a Fem-Shep this time. Since I've finished all three games and have formed an opinion. You all guessed it. It's massive review time. Massive it shall be since I'm fitting all three games in to one review. I am going to assume most gamers reading this post by chance, have either already played or heard of Mass Effect. Since this review is already taking a lot of time to write, I'm going to skip over the mythos and an in depth look in to the storyline. As usual each game will have a short recap of the story and of course pros and con's.

Mass Effect

Bioware's first real success since Neverwinter. This is the game that started it all. Rich story, space opera. And who doesn't like a fucking space opera? likable characters, unlikable characters and mixing a shooter and rpg together? Recipe for epic awesomesauce!

Humans aren't the only life forms in the galaxy anymore. We humans have learned to live (but not exactly accept), with a number of other alien races. In order to show the other alien races that humanity has a bigger penis, humans formed the Alliance. This is a military force that serves not only as a human army, but they also explore the galaxy.

You will be playing as Shepard. A human Alliance hero (depending on what back round story you choose for your Shepard), who is human's only hope for survival. But we'll come back to that part in a minute.

Shepard's first mission (and somewhat of a tutorial), will be on Eden Prime. There is a ancient Promethian artifact here that must be found and protected. If this mission were easy, this would obviously been a very short game. The Geth (a race of Synthetics), also want this artifact too. They have nearly killed every single scientist and Alliance soldier on the plant in order to find this artifact. Must be some damn fine piece right?

The Geth are being lead by Saren, A counsel Specter, who isn't really a shinning example of justice anyways. Think of Saren as a bad Specter gone super bad. Shepard and friends are determined to bring Saren and the Geth down before the bring in the real threat to the Galaxy. The Reapers.

There is more to the story, but I really want people to play this game. I am so obsessed with this game that I named my male Leopard Gecko Shepard.

Pros:

The story. OMG. I can't say enough good things about the story. The different races there are in the galaxy, all the way to the backstories of NPC's are just fucking amazing. Shepards ongoing frustration with the Counsel is what pulled me in. I felt my Shepard's frustration with these important and powerful aliens who are more than willing to turn a blind eye on the real threat to the universe.

The choices you make can either screw you or help you. I really enjoy this in games. It makes me feel like I'm apart of the world I've already been sucked in to.

The companions are hit miss. You have the humans. Ashley and Kaiden. I really didn't care for either of them, but I decided to romance Kaiden, who is kind of a whinny douche. I only picked Kaiden because I couldn't fucking romance Garrus!
I LOVE Garrus and used him in all of my missions. He's gruff but lovable. He also doesn't judge you too harshly if you decide to kill someone for no reason....not that I ever would. Paragon all the way here homies!  I just wish my character was able to romance him in the first game.
Liara is always handy and I love the dialogue with her between missions.
This isn't a popular consensus, but I really didn't care for Tali or Wrex. These two characters were kinda blah. I'm sure Tali would have been more interesting had I been playing as a male-Shep. Wrex was the typical chip on his shoulder alien. He has every right to be pissed off (You'll have to play the game to understand that one), but it did get a little annoying after hour 7.

Sidequests are plentiful here. Plenty to choose from JUST in case you get bored of playing the main storyline. Sometimes they are a little long, but I tend to like long sidequests. Plus they help with leveling. Also new guns and upgrades are always nice.

While the customization isn't as vast here as it is in Dragon Age, I do like that you get to build your Shepard's backround story and fighting class. I personally enjoy a war hero Vanguard. Whatever back story you choose, there is also a side mission that goes along with whatever backround you choose.

Cons.

Yes. Even in an awesome game such as Mass Effect there are cons.

Elevator rides is the first con that comes to mind. These elevator scenes could have been cut much shorter, or been blacked out and skip me to the next scene. I found myself picking up a book while my character had to use an elevator. It's anywhere from a 50 second to a minute scene. No one wants to watch someone ride in an elevator. Yes. Some of the side missions are found only through riding the elevator, but we come back to the whole NO ONE WANTS TO SEE AN ELEVATOR RIDE!

I loath Mako missions. I hate that fucking car with a passion. It takes a while to get used to the controls involved with moving this vehicle. Eventually it does get a bit easier, but the journey is what sucks.

There was some lag issues with this game on my xbox. It's really  not a big deal, but it does get a bit annoying when I'm in the middle of a gun battle and all of a sudden the game needs to buffer itself. It's a year old xbox so I know it isn't the machine. It's the game disc. I've had three copies of this game and all three did the same thing.


I can't review any of the DLC yet, because I haven't exactly played them. I'll have to do that and write another review later.


Now On to Mass Effect 2

This is without a doubt and arguably the masterpiece of this series. I say arguably because some do have problems with this game.

In ME2 you have the choice of importing your Shepard from ME1. Which will transfer all of your choices within the first game. If you romanced anyone it will also transfer in to ME2 as well. No levels or weapons are transferred, but you do get a couple of extra upgrade points for porting your Shepard to this game.
Or you have the choice of starting off with a brand spanking new Shepard of your choice.

This game brings on a new threat, new companions and some new challenges. It takes place shortly after the end of the first game. The Normandy is being attacked by a new enemy. Nearly all the crew escapes (a few crew deaths here and there, but no one major). Oh. Shepard dies. So that's a bunch of sadness within the first 10 minutes of the game. But don't worry. Cerberus wants to bring you back. This is where you are able to either change how your ported character looks and class. Or if you start a new game, you'll build Shep from the ground up.

Once you have been rebuilt, you are thrown in to a tutorial. The facility is under attack by synthetics. You need to fight your way out. Along the way you gain some help, which makes escape from the Cerberus facility easy enough.

The new mission is to take down the Collectors. They are kidnapping entire human colonies. A huge downer right? Turns out these fucktards are also working with the Reapers. Dudes need to go. As per usual, the galaxy depends on Shepard to save the day. Heaven forbid any other race step up to the plate to help.

This time you wont be with the Alliance, because you are working with Cerberus. The Alliance is rather anti-Cerberus. Just remember, you are with them for the greater good, Shepard and a few familiar faces decides it would be wise to use the vast resources Cerberus has to offer. Plus they rebuilt Shepard from the ground up.

Pros:

Again with the answer story telling. ME2 is more of a character driven story. There are companion loyalty missions that can be done. I cannot stress enough how important loyalty missions are. They will save your ass come the last mission. Like side missions, loyalty missions also help with the exp build up.
I was a giddy little fan girl here. Garrus is back and witty! This was soon followed by disappointment when I decided at the beginning of the game that I would be faithful to Kaiden. Damn my faithfulness! I finally have the chance to romance my favorite alien and I don't even do it! The characters in this game are pretty solid.
I greatly enjoyed Maranda. She's strong, sarcastic at times, knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go after it. She's a believer in the cause and sticks to her guns. Gotta respect that in a chick. She is also a romance option for male-Sheps
Jacob is a great addition to the cast of characters. He has a very touching backstory. He is also a romance option for fem-Sheps.
 Legion isn't a popular character by any means. But I liked it. Legion is a original Geth who is programed to interact with organic life forms. Legion's mission is to restore order to the Geth, take down the Collectors and ultimately take down the Reapers.
Thane is a freaking assassin. How could one not like him.
Jack is a pistol. Raw and full of bad assary.
There really isn't a character here I don't like. Even Tali grew on me after a while.

Loyalty missions are not only helpful in understanding the backrounds of your squad members, they are actually fun to do. Some of them are heart wrenching as well as warming.

While most people didn't like the change to the combat system, the loot whore in me did like this change. Unlike ME1, Shepard does not get a infinite amount of ammo. Thermal clips are usually dropped by enemies and not that hard to find. Although, it does get rather frustrating when one runs out of Thermal clips when being swarmed by Husks (The single most annoying enemy in ANY ME game), as well as boss fights. It's still fun to keep a watchful eye out for shinny little clips lying on the floor.

The end. I wont go in to detail or spoilers about the end of this game, but it is tense and satisfying. This is where loyalty missions come in to play and are vastly important.

Aria isn't a companion in the least, but I still liked her. Bitch to her very core and power driven. Usually I don't like these chicks, but something about Aria made me like her. I really can't put my finger on it, so I've stopped trying to determine why and just roll with it.

The upgrade system is satisfying. At least it was for me. Yet there is a draw back to upgrades. I'll get to that in the cons.

I know I usually save DLC reviews for last, but let's talk about Lair of the Shadow Broker for a minute. This mission Set's a new bar for DLC in general. It's not only important to the story, but if you have romanced Liara there is also a bit of a bonus here for you. This DLC is tense. The Shadow Broker does not make taking him down easy. Rightfully so I suppose.
I wont ruin this wonderful DLC for anyone, but I will say the Shadow Broker is one tough son of a bitch. If anything play this for the story.

The Arrival was TENSE. I can not stress that word enough. Shepard is solo in this mission, which is never wrecking enough as it is. Half way through the mission you are faced with waves upon waves of enemies. You wont die, but it's not a wonderful feeling when you do get shot down. Once you reach the half way point in this mission, it will be timed. Who doesn't love timed missions? This chick right here doesn't. But the clock gives you plenty of time, but it's still tense.

All the other DLC is kinda blah, but not completely unplayable.

Cons:

Mining is tedious to say the least. This needs to be done in order to upgrade your weapons, armor and ship. All of which you will NEED to do to survive the end battle. You'll find it's a decent distraction when you're tired of doing the main story line, side quests and N7 quests. Other than that, it just not very fun. Plus I found my thumb becoming very sore by the time I got done scanning a planet. Although, there is one plus side to this mining business. Go scan Uranus. Edi (the Normandy AI), is a little disappointed at your scanning choice here. It's really kind of funny.

As I mentioned before, running out of ammo during a mass battle is kind of a bitch. More than that, the weapons themselves are kinda blah. I found myself using the handgun and shotgun more often than anything else in my inventory. Oh and powers. Use your own and squad powers.

I don't really have too many cons about this game. I'll add more if I can think of any, but atm I can't. So let's move on to 3


Mass Effect 3. This is where it all comes to a head. Again, you can transfer your character from both 1 and 2, or start a new game.

The Reapers are taking over. Now they have brought the fight to every organic life planet in the galaxy. Had the Alliance and Council listened to Shepard's warnings, the Reaper attacks would not have come as such a big surprise.
We find Shepard has been under "house arrest" since the events of ME2. This quickly comes to an end once the Reapers hit earth. Shepard and company leave Earth in order to unite the races before the Reapers destroy all organic beings.

Before I start with the pros and cons, lets briefly hit on the original ending controversy. Many fans were outraged with the lack luster ending. I was one of these fans. When a developer makes the promises of "Multiple endings that bring closure to Shepards story" and "Your choices throughout the series will greatly impact the conclusion", I tend to take these at face value. This ending gave us none of these promises. In fact, the ending made our decisions utterly and completely pointless. Good, bad, blah ending. It was all the same, just done in a different color shade.
I'm not going to go in to the whole controversy here, mainly because Bioware did listen to the fans. The released a free DLC which extended the ending. These new endings are overall satisfying and answer many questions the original did not. For this I thank you Bioware. Thank you to all who put in the time and money to give us all the ending we all wanted.

Ha. I say this as if anyone from Bioware is going to stumble across my blog.

Pros

Again with the storytelling. Just like ME 1 and 2, the story here is top notch. There are some deaths in this game that are heart wrenching.

The new skill tree is a welcomed change. It gives an rpg element to a gave that feels like a straight out shooter.

Not much  has changed game play wise from ME2 which is a good thing.

You are given the option of finishing off the romance you may have started in either ME1 and ME2. Or you have the opinion to start a brand spanking new romance. There are a lot more choices this time around. There is a little something for everyone romance wise.

The new characters are awesome. The familiar faces are always a pleasure as well.


Cons:

This is actually a mix of pro and con. The changes to the mining is rather.....different. No more watching your bar of useful materials. Scan a planet, you are told if there is anything useful and your done. This is good and bad. Good because my thumbs can take a stress rest. Bad because now I actually have to do side missions in order to keep busy. Oh. Also, the more you scan the more likely Reapers will find your ship. Not sure if I like this or not. I'm going to go with not so much here.

Still dislike Tali. Not to the extreme I used to, but she still annoys me.

I haven't downloaded many DLC for the third game yet. I did download From the Ashes. It gives you a Prothean team mate. Of course you  have to acquire him from the clutches of Cerberus first. Which is no easy task.
I've already downloaded and played through the extended cut ending
I just downloaded Citadel. Which is the last DLC for ME3. I have yet to play it, so I'll make an update to this review once I have. But I keep hearing it's really good, so I'm excited to play it.
Don't have any other DLC. I'm not big in to multi player. Mainly because I don't want other people I don't even know to have a ring side seat and actually see how much I suck at shooters. Maybe I'll get there someday, but for now we're going to go with a no on that front.
As far as the other DLC, it  more has to do with a lack of hours in the day and a lack of mirosoft points. I'll be getting them eventually for sure.
  
This series isn't perfect, but it damn close to it. As a whole I give the Mass Effect series a 9/10. The weaving of the story is masterfully done. I went through these games feeling something or another for each character. I'm so sad to see Shepard's story end. Thank goodness there is a new Mass Effect game in development. I'm excited to see where they take the series, and who our new hero is going to be.
All three games have some massive replay value. At present I'm starting a new game as a renegade Adept. Cause that's how I roll.
The series is worth the money dropped for it. Wait for Bioware to put out a game of the year edition for all three. This way it saves you as a consumer from spending butt loads for DLC. If I were a smart gamer that is what I would have done. Of course there is the chance there will be no game of the year edition, in which case wait for a PSN or XBL sale. f

Review for DMC (Revised)

Review time. Actually, this time it's going to be a revised review. When I originally reviewed DMC, I allowed my inner fan girl of the original series cloud my view of this reboot. With the release of the new DLC Vergil's Downfall, I decided to give the game another chance before jumping in to Vergil's story. I'm actually really glad I did.

So. Let's give this review another go. This first part is filled with spoilers. You have been warned.

You are the new and younger anti-heroish Dante. He doesn't give much of a rats ass about anything but drinking, sex and the occasional slaying of demons. Dante is being hunted by Mundus. A demon king who rules most of humanity and the world through debt.
Dante and Vergil (Although Vergil somehow remains off of Mundus's supernatural radar), are the product of a union between Mundus right hand demon man, Sparta and an Angel Eva, this makes the twin brothers both a bit angelic and a bit demonic.  Mundus views Dante's Nephilim status  as a "loose end" and a threat. He would be right on both counts.

Dante's trouble begins when he is sucked in to Limbo by a Hunter demon. Here we meet Kat. A psychic/witch who is able to astral project herself in to limbo in order to help Dante. After his lovely vacation in Limbo, Kat introduces him to "The Order", a hand full of freedom fighters wanting to take back the human race from Mundus.

Dante reluctantly agrees to help the cause. As Dante learns more of Mundus and his methods for controlling humanity, he finds himself caring about the cause. He also has a bit of a thing for Kat, which helps this need to help the humans.



I would cover more of the story here, but really every Devil May Cry game has the same story. Hack and slash through hoards of demons, all while saving the world from some super bad guy. I will admit, the story in Devil May Cry 3 is a little different from the others given who you have to fight at the end. But for all those fan boys and girls of the series bitching about the storyline here. Shut the fuck up. The story isn't great, but it's believable. Take the game for what it is people. It's a reboot with updated graphics. The lack of story doesn't make the game any less fun.
And need I remind fans of the shit bomb that was Devil may cry 2? Now there was a truly awful DMC game. Although Dante did get extremely better looking in this game. Still doesn't make it any less of a pile of shit though.

Alright. let's get to the likes of this game. This time around the list is a bit longer.


If you find easy, normal and hard modes far too easy. Well Ninja Theory has given you four extra challenging modes that will kick your ass. There is Son of Sparta mode. Dante must Die. Heaven and Hell. Hell and hell. Maybe I'm just not hardcore enough, but I don't even want to try anything past Son of Sparta mode. I'm afraid my tv and controller wouldn't survive my wrath anything beyond SoS. I do like all the difficulty choices we are given.

The combat is fluid, fast paced and fun. The different weapons you receive throughout the game adds to the replace value. Each weapon has it's own special talent. Each weapon allows you to go  back through missions and collect items you may have missed or could not previously retrieve. Using skill points gives your weapons new attacks. If you are going for an SSS rating in each mission, these new attacks will help with pulling off fancy combos. Word to those of you who plan on playing this game. Focus skill points on Abilities, Rebellion, Aquila and Arbiter. Guns are pretty pointless in this game, but we'll get to that later.

This game does have replay value. In a second play through, Dante will retain all of the weapons and abilities previously collected. By a second play through you should know what you are doing, so not having to recollect all these damn things is a relief. Plus it makes fighting earlier enemies a bit easier. It's also easier to pull off combos earlier in the game (not that it's difficult to begin with).

Actual big boss battles are really fun and rather original. I find myself playing through boss battle missions more often than not. My personal favorites are the Bob Barbas and The Last Dance fights. Boss battles take some degree of planning and strategy. These battles totally make the game worth playing.

There is always some item to search for in this game. Keys, Lost souls and doors. You can always go back through missions to find everything you missed. As much as I loath gold doors, I do enjoy actually being able to unlock them. Plus, you don't have to play them right away. As long as you've opened the door, you can always go through the main menu and play it later. Since I'm kind of an achievement whore, I'll end up trying to get through all doors, as well as collect everything. This also takes some strategy as well. Not every Lost soul you come across is easy to access. So there is a lot of trial and error here, not to mention frustrating at times. Nevertheless, it's an easy way to get sidetracked from the original story line.

Some of the dialogue is okay. One particular conversation made me laugh like an idiot.

Dante: I'm a better fighter
Vergil: I'm smarter
Dante: I'm better looking
a short side conversation about the mission here.
Vergil: I have a bigger dick.

I don't know why that made me laugh so hard, but it did.

Dante starts out a foul mouthed douche, but I do like his growth as a character near the end. He ends up actually caring about the cause, and wants to save humanity. I dig growth in a character. 

I really don't care one way or another about Dante's new look. I wasn't particularly attached to his old look, so this change doesn't bother me as much as it does other die hard fans. As a reboot I expected some changes. Going in knowing this is a younger Dante I assumed he might not look as he did when he's older. Yes, us DMC fans are used to white haired, red coat Dante. But I really could care less.


The things I didn't like haven't changed much.

While I don't really care that Ninja Theory changed Dante's look, I really didn't care for his lack of wit. Ninja Theory tries, they really do, but in the older games Dante's wit was cheesy. It brought on a giggle. Here it was lucky if it brought on a smirk.

As I said before, in the beginning Dante is a douche. This really doesn't take away from the game, but it does become a little annoying after a while.

Kat is as interesting as a rock. I'm not really sure what Dante's draw to her is. Maybe it's because of her adorable puppy dog eyes. Maybe it's her innocence. Or maybe he just really likes bland chicks. If the last reason were true, then we wouldn't have had Trish in the first game. She had a tude, knew how to throw a punch and had wit. Kat just draws Limbo circles and asks Dante if he's okay after a fight. Not really love interest material there if you ask me.

This game is rather short. But it is on par with the other DMC games. Which run anywhere from 7-9 hours long. Still. I wish we had more content here.

I did like some of the dialogue, but as a whole the script could have used some work. Or at least work with the voice actors to at least make them sound as if there weren't actually reading from the script in front of them. No one sounds very natural in this game. Plus, some of the dialogue is just corny. I dig corny, but some of these lines just had me rolling my eyes.

The trophy glitches are rather annoying. As an achievement whore, it's rather annoying.

While I do love my Vergil in all of his awesome badness, I really don't understand why he's decided to go all power starved here. His reason for being big and bad in DMC 3 made sense. He craved power because he wasn't able to save his mother from dying. In this game he's just a douche who wants to rule his human "subjects" for the hell of it. Humans are beneath his kind and shouldn't be trusted to rule themselves. This was just really bad reasoning from any way I look at the situation. He wants to take down Mundus because he feels that Mundus rules the humans too harshly, but Vergil turns around and wants to do the exact same thing? WTF? I could understand wanting to be stronger to protect family more than wanting to rule the world with a iron fist.


This isn't a bad game, but it could have used some tweaks before being released to the masses. I wouldn't suggest spending the 60 dollars it is now. Wait till it comes down to at least 30 dollars. Better yet, rent it to be sure it's for you. Those of you who have heard of the DMC series. but have never bothered to play any of the other games, this is a good starting point for you. Die hard fans already are very vocal about this game. Change=bad. This die hard fan disagrees with the masses.

I give this game a 7/10. It's a good game, but I suggest renting it first before buying. But of course, I say this about almost every game.

Now on to Vergil's Downfall.

If you played DMC3 before even playing this game, you knew where Vergil was heading. In DMC he just hides his need for power behind a noble cause. As the game progresses you start to see the real man behind his facade.

Vergil's Downfall takes place right after the end event of DMC. Vergil is in Limbo and walking a fine line between sanity and insanity. Over the course of  8 missions, Vergil's descends in to a power driven madness of which there is no return.

I really can't say anything negative about this DLC. I highly recommend doing some training with Vergil after new abilities are discovered. Or even before you start in on the first mission.

Playing as Vergil is completely different from Dante. These two have completely different fighting styles. Where Dante has a variety of weapons, Vergil only has his Katana and Sword Illusion. The Katina is able to take on both demonic and angelic forms. Sword illusion is similar to Dante's guns, They'll help you break up an enemies attacks, but doesn't do much in the way of damage.

I am a fan of Vergil. Always have been and always will be. I always dig the bad guy and am curious as to how he or she became the way they did. Vergil's need for more power and his growing hatred for his brother are what drive this story. It's compelling and it made me want more Vergil based DLC.

I also like the fact that this DLC sets up nicely for DMC 2. Hopefully Ninja Theory is hard at work on that one, but I sadly have my doubts. Which makes me kind of sad. I really want to see how this whole brotherly drama plays out. Does it play out like it did in DMC 3? Or will Ninja Theory take it in a whole new direction? Damn. I really want the next chapter in this series already. Or another mission based DLC.


There is also the Bloody Palace DLC. It's fairly straight forward. Lots of enemies and don't die. It's fun and eats up a lot of time.

If anyone out there is interested in playing this series, I would start actually start out with this game. Then if you want to get in to the classic DMC, play Devil may cry 3 first. It's hard, but it would be within the event timeline here. Then Devil may cry. I suggest completely skipping over Devil may cry 2. It's utter shit and adds nothing to the series. You can play it if your a completest, but it would only be a waste of time. . Last but not least, Devil may cry 4.